How To Apologize, When To Forgive

I wanted to post this photo and give it a beautiful caption, like 'Blissful way to end the long weekend'. And it was, but that's only half the truth.

The real truth is that, yes, this was what the end of what our long weekend looked like— settled, calm, happy, loving, and together in a booth at a somewhat fancy, somewhat pricey (for us) restaurant— but it took a storm to get here.

My daughter is 2 years old, nearing three. Her 'terrible twos' days are numbered— I know, I've heard, three's are actually worse but I am in complete denial about it. I have to give her credit, though, because with me she's only had maybe one... ok, two, major public tantrums.

The first was in Trader Joes. She needed to go to the bathroom (bad) but we didn't have her toilet seat and she went hysterical, too afraid to use the 'big' toilet as is. She ended up peeing in her pants, which made the hysteria that much more amplified.

The second time was in the car at her school's parking lot. Maybe no one saw it (I'm hoping, but I'd again be in denial to really think that). She wanted to go back into the school to wash her hands, as I had asked when we were in there, but it was late and I wanted needed to hit the road because traffic was already bad and we have a long commute home.

This most recent time (yesterday) happened in the swimming pool. We were at the pool for a good 2 hours— I was going to limit the time to less than that because I was exhausted when we did that last time but that obviously didn't work. Nearing on hour 2, another family came to swim. We had seen and played with them last time, so knew they were good company. Shortly after, two other families came. It was like a party. I had just spent 2 hours carrying her back and forth in the pool, 'swimming', and my only child all of a sudden was at a pool party with kids all somewhat around her age.

But it was really time for us to go. We stayed another half hour and then I put my foot down, or tried to at least. All I can say is that she really wasn't ready to go. She let me know that, the other families, along with the whole neighborhood.

I always worry about times like these, where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Am I a bad parent? What will these people think of me? Will I be reported? Yes, it goes that far. The media has done its job well— stories have successfully been sensationalized enough times and I, as a parent, have been sufficiently provoked. Thankfully, though, I'm pretty trained in self-talk as well, and can rationalize with myself that, that's ridiculous and I'm having idiotic thoughts.

When we got home and things settled down, was the time I took to talk to her, recap what happened, and teach her how to apologize for her actions. Previously, my method was three-pronged but, in between this latest hysteria and calm, I've made it four-. This is NOT something you should necessarily do with your child(ren) but this is what I did and will keep doing until I refine my parenting to do something else, hopefully better (more effective)?

First, I let her know she needs to apologize. Kids quickly learn and know when they've done something wrong, and when they need to do (or not do) something. As parents, we need to help them formally recognize these things by telling them direct. Their recognition skills are still underdeveloped. It's just like taking a shower. They know they need to do it but, still, they continuously need to be told for quite some time before they learn to actually do it themselves.

So she says sorry. But is sorry enough? That's a rhetorical question. I asked her why she was sorry. This is really important because just saying sorry is a cop-out— just saying sorry doesn't require her to think or reflect on anything. Asking why makes her think and learn to recognize the actual actions/behavior that warrants an apology. Hopefully, doing this enough times will sink in and she will be able to recognize the consequences of her behavior before she actually does anything.

Typically, then, after she says sorry and 'what for', I ask her if she's going to do it again, and if what she did is being good or naughty (translated from a different language). I do this sort of to summarize and drive home the message without dragging things on.

This time, however, I realized it would be good to add just one more piece to the apology: I asked her what can she do different for next time. I realized this was important because (clearly) she didn't know how to respond to something against her desires. In my original set of questions (arguably, a 'lesson'), she can recognize what she's done but, from there, doesn't learn how she can handle similar situations going forward. She obviously doesn't always know what she can do instead, so sharing some better options with her isn't 'cheating' by giving her the answers, but it can actually help her grow her 'good behavior vocabulary', so to speak.

Finally, I forgave her. I always do, once we've reached the end of the apology. This is actually what I consider one of the most important, if not the most important, steps of this apology process. Being able to forgive someone is an invaluable lesson to learn and skill to do. We gave each other a kiss and a hug, and said I Love You. Then, we kept on dancing.

Parenting can be tiring— after 2.5 hours in the pool, I was already drained— and challenging. But it can also be one of the most rewarding and strengthening things you ever do. My kid teaches me so much and continues to make me into the best version of myself... how's that for a sappy ending after all? :> 100% truth.

Below is a recap of how we apologize and when we forgive.

• Say sorry...
• Why are you sorry...?
• Is that naughty or nice?
• Will you do that again?
• What will you do different next time?
• Forgive: Kiss. Hug. I Love You. Keep on dancing.

How do you teach your kid(s) to apologize and forgive? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Written by piecesofm.

How To Look For A Job

I just read this article on LinkedIn (Don't Meet the Hiring Requirements? This Could Help...) and thought: #garbage. It doesn't help. It didn't me, anyway.

Tip, Tip, Step? Here's a tip: If you're going to make a list, be consistent.

Source: from cited link above

I've never found job-hunting suggestions like these to work. I'm an introvert and no one is interested in really helping you find a job (not that I necessarily blame them).

Below are some of my tips if you're on the hunt for that 'second home' [aka. home away from home, aka. next job].

• Work full-time when you're unemployed: Set your alarm, get up, and work. Because applying to jobs is work— a lot of it. But the harder your work, the faster you will get out of the seemingly never-ending, dreaded task itself. Likewise, though, take breaks and weekends. It's one thing to work hard but it's another to overwork and lose productivity.


• Set goals: Shoot to apply to X number of jobs per day or send X number of emails. The more you apply and contact people, the more likely people will know you are looking and available. Don't get overwhelmed by the number you have to send. Applying to jobs takes practice and some have more practice than others. Start at your level and slowly increase your count/quota every other day, or something like that.


• Apply in different ways: Personally, I think the best way is to try to figure out who the hiring manager is for the position you want. Email that person direct. I've heard snail mail is effective to because it's so old school and unexpected— I wouldn't know though because I've never tried it. Even though I said no one's really interested in helping you find a job, blast that you're looking anyway to your social networks because, hey, you never know&mash; maybe the stars will align. Google 'creative resumes'— there you'll find infographics, videos, etc— that's another way to stand out. Try to approach it with 'outside-the-box'-thinking. That's a personal bias but the idea is to help make you stand out using your skills to demonstrate your worth.


• Mix it up: Apply in all sorts of places— direct to hiring manager and/or recruiter, someone interesting at the company, company website, job boards, even recruiters. Yes, recruiters. There are spammers out there, for sure, but some of them can actually hook you up with a job you might end up liking.


• Don't just apply: don't spend all your time applying to jobs. Use the time to build skills and/or portfolios. That doesn't mean you have to spend money. Use the internet to teach yourself things, spend your time doing 'voluntary' work&mash; doing/creating things that could build your portfolio and demonstrate your strengths.


• Follow inspirational quote boards: Because being jobless with no income, having to spend your full-time energy on the act of looking for a job, and getting rejected sucks and can sorely get you down. Quote boards can help because even reading one positive thing a day can lift up your spirits.


• Don't give up, be persistent, believe in yourself: You will find a job. And it will be great. Be confident. You have a lot to offer. Write down a list of your strengths. Remind yourself of those things when unemployment seems never-ending. Hold your head up when you walk into an interview. Believe in yourself because if you do, it'll be a lot easier for the hiring manager to do, too.

Good luck! xo

Happy Healthy Juicy Job Hunting!

Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry - A HealthyButJuicy Original #15minuterecipe!

If you thought 30-minute meals was fast, try 15 seconds!

HealthyButJuicy kicks off its 15-second video recipes with Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry. Follow @mdesenna on Instagram for instant video-licious gratification and check back here for the detailed recipes. Dishes will be 100% HealthyButJuicy and scrumptious!



So one of the key skills you should develop when cooking HealthyButJuicy is to be able to modify recipes to your likes, tastes, budget, and what you simply have on hand. We called this dish Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry but if you don't eat or like pork, you can simply swap it out for ground beef, chicken, or turkey, firm tofu, or even meat substitute crumbles.

As for the vegetables, we used edamame and carrots (a couple of my daughter's favorites), red bell pepper, and scallions (aka. green onions). We would have added corn, which would have been a nice additional color (and another of my daughter's favorite) but we didn't have any. No biggie.

My daughter ended up not really liking the red peppers— we don't typically eat it often— but I thought it was a great addition both in terms of color, flavor, and texture. It added a bit of sweet- and juiciness and complimented the salmon that we ate with this dish well.

Re: kids and food dislikes. I am all for offering new foods to my daughter (almost 2!). Variety is the spice of life, isn't it? :> And it's important to offer variety to your kids when they're young because as we grow older we tend to be less willing to try new things or foods we think we don't like. As Ellen Satyr (a child nutrition expert) has said, sometimes it takes as many as 15-20 times for kid try a new food before s/he likes it (I remember that because I got that question wrong on a quiz in grad school :>).

Also, offering foods your kids may not necessarily like can actually help teach them some proper table manners. Instead of throwing food on the floor or across the room, my daughter now either gives the food to me to put on my plate, puts the food she doesn't want on her own plate (farthest away from her), or puts it back on the main serving dish. (Perhaps the latter isn't very proper but it's a step up from across the room. :>)

Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry Recipe

Ingredients
3 medium Carrots, diced
1-2 cups Low-Sodium Chicken Broth/Stock (enough to cover the carrots in a small pot)
4 oz. Ground Pork
2 Scallions, finely-sliced
1 Red Bell Pepper, diced
1 cup frozen, thawed Edamame
1-2 tbsp. Oyster Sauce
Oil, as needed

1. In a small pot, cook the carrots in the broth. Carrots take longer than the other vegetables to cook. Cook them to your desired consistency. We cook them until semi-firm to-the-bite, or how my daughter likes it. Skipping this step is also an option if you don't mind your carrots crunchy.
2. In a large wok or deep pan, heat up some oil (about 1-2 tbsp). Add the pork, spreading it across the pan. We're looking for a good sear to bring out the flavor.
3. Add the scallions and toss to release some of its flavors.
4. Scoop out of pan onto serving dish.
5. Add a little more oil to the pan and let it heat up a little.
6. Add the peppers and toss to coat. Cover the pan slightly to soften.
7. Toss in the other vegetables and stir-fry until everything is warmed up.
8. Add the pork and scallion mix.
9. Add a little bit of oyster sauce and re-toss.
10. Transfer the everything back to the serving dish. Voila!

Tweet or Instagram us a pic of this recipe if you try it! Tag your posts with #healthybutjuicy #15secondrecipe

We'd love to see your versions and how it turned out!

Happy Healthy Juicy Make-It-Your-Own Stir-Fry!

Five Simple Habits That’ll Make You A Better Co-Worker: A Working Mom’s Perspective

What you do as a parent can often seem completely irrelevant to what you do in your professional career. On the other the hand, though, the people you work with are, in some (or many) ways, very much like the children you are trying to raise and be role models for. That being said, here are five simple habits, practices, or things you can say to help yourself be a better co-worker.

Please. One of the first things we want our children to say is… well, it’s Mama and Dada, but after that we work hard to teach them Please. That’s because somehow, though not surprisingly, they pick up I Want and Give Me way faster and, once they do, they start saying it seemingly more often than not. As parents, we have to continually interject if we want to raise them to become polite beings of society. What’s the magic word? And really, it is pretty magical, isn’t it? Please connotes respect and that you don’t take things for granted. Can you put away your shoes, please? Can you please help set the table? I don’t always expect my daughter to do the things I ask, just like I don’t expect my co-workers to, but at least I give her the respect she deserves in my requests.


Thank you. Equally powerful as Please, is Thank You. Thank you is the best way to conclude an interaction. That and maybe a hug. In two short words/syllables, which you can even pair down to one in a Thanks, you relay to the other person that you appreciate them, value them, and don’t take them and what they do for granted. Thank you for helping to put away your toys. Thank you for sitting in your chair like everyone else. Thank you for this one-of-a-kind scribble drawing. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for holding hands. Thank you for being you. And in the office… Thank you for helping me with this project. Thank you for explaining that concept to me (Bill). Thank you for your time. Thank you for making more coffee when there was none. Thank you for your contribution as a member of this team... I can go on and on. There’s a lot to be thankful for.


Do you need help? Kids need lots of help. They wouldn’t be able to get through childhood without mom, dad, or some caretaker, or would have a very difficult time. The people you work with, members of your team or company, are no different. As the great Aristotle once said: The sum of the whole is greater than the parts. I try to not to be an overbearing parent and let my daughter try to do things as self-sufficiently as she can but will often ask her after trying and struggling a little, Do you need help? Do you need help walking up these steps? Do you need help taking off your jacket? Do you need help opening the door? Maybe with children it’s more apparent but we all need help sometimes and it never hurts to extend yourself beyond what is necessary and just offer. For sure, it makes the ride that much better, smoother, more enjoyable, and efficient.


Did you have a good day? I ask my daughter this on a daily basis. I want to know that she did and, if she didn’t, why and what can I do to make it better so that she does. Surely, every day will not be rainbows and sunshine—teething, biting, bullying, and germs all are implications of cloudy forecasts—but nonetheless, caring to even just ask is a step to showing someone you care about them and want them to be happy. Employee satisfaction is one of the most important key factors in the success of a company. It results in low-turnover, increased productivity, and ultimately higher returns. Perhaps this is not something we need to ask our employees or selves on a daily basis but should on a somewhat regular one.


Good job! Momma is very proud of you :> Ok, the latter part of this saying might not be applicable but the former can do wonders. My daughter knows where to put her shoes when we walk in the house—we have a no-shoe policy—but doesn’t always put them away. When she doesn’t put them away, I remind and show her where they need to go. When she does put them away, though, I commend her for her efforts and ability to be responsible. Good job, Babe, that is very good. That is what big girls do. Every time I say that, for whatever she does—saying good night to those around her, washing her hands after she goes to the bathroom, singing the ABC song, counting to 10, giving her friend a hug, sharing—I am positively reinforcing her actions and behavior. Translated in the workplace, it might sound something like: Good idea/input/feedback—your contribution has help us do this better! Good job on landing that account! Or, good work on that project, I couldn’t have met that deadline without you. We all need validation, encouragement, and recognition for the good things we do. It’s what helps us keep going.

It doesn't take much to say a few positive words to those you work with but the effect it has can do wonders for your relationships, quality of work, and, ultimately, happiness both in and out of the office.

What else can people do to be a better co-worker? Share in the Comments below or Tweet/Instagram us, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Co-Working!

How To Buy HealthyButJuicy Kid's Yogurt!

What is essentially bacterial fermented milk— yogurt— has come a long way within the last five decades or so, not surprisingly along with America's tech-savvy of playing with food and its expanding waistline.

Remember Colombo Yogurt? Remember its minimal Ingredients List? Supposedly, it was one of the pioneers to introducing Americans to yogurt in the late 1920s and then was later bought out by General Mills, only to be discontinued because of Yoplait.

Yoplait! You know, the brand with that commercial where the woman is telling her friend on the phone all the delicious 'food' she's been eating while losing weight, while her husband is eaves-dropping and frantically looking in the fridge for her goodies. He missed the stacks of light yogurt right in front of him with flavor names such as: Thick & Creamy Cinnamon Roll, Black Forest Cake, Apple Turnover, Red Velvet Cake, Boston Creme Pie, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, Thick & Creamy Cherry Cobbler... Pretty much every decadent baked good you can think of in the form of yogurt.

Sigh.

According to Wikipedia:

Yogurt's popularity in the United States was enhanced in the 1950s and 1960s, when it was presented as a health food.

Sigh again. And there began the demise of yogurt. Deem anything healthy and you can count on Americans to bastardize it. (No offense, America... love you.) But now, yogurt doesn't just take a slither of an aisle but spans an entire one. So many options! Lions and tigers and flavors and sizes and prices and consistencies and packaging and nutritional profiles, o my!

But still, we'd like our kids to eat yogurt because of those originally-known benefits— live cultures, or 'good bacteria'— as well as source of calcium and protein. But how and/or which to choose??

Run down the whole yogurt aisle and watch and learn which are HealthyButJuicy's top picks and why!



Agree or disagree with what you saw? Comment below your thoughts, opinions, and tastes! We'd love to hear! :>

Prevent Chapped Lips Forever!

The cold season is cumbersome enough, with snow storms, frigid temperatures, short daylight, and the like. But your juicy lips don't have to suffer any longer! Nor do you have to waste your time, effort, and money on lip products like chapstick, lip balm, lip scrubs that don't work!

Follow this simple routine and you'll be kissable year round no matter what! :>

Enjoy! And thanks for watching!



Need more tips? Write them in the Comments below! We're here to help! :>

Have tips of your own? Share them, too, in the Comments! We'd love to hear! :>

How To Lose 10 Pounds In 1 Day!

So, you've seen the ads, you've seen the infomercials, you've tried every diet, product, and service known to man to lose weight. And all you want to do is add the HealthyBut to your Juicy self. Well, just because it's fall and we have two seasons of cold weather in front of us, doesn't mean you can't start shedding the weight as you pack on the layers. Start now and by the time spring rolls around your rolls will be nowhere in sight!

In this video, I share with you how I lost 10 pounds in 1 day and kept it off (true story!) That's the clencher with these rapid weight loss gimmicks— they don't last. Hear how I did it along with some tips on how you can achieve your HealthyButJuicy goals.

...dreaming of a healthier planet...

Enjoy!

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How To Bathe Your Baby, Sink-Style

How To Tell If Baby Is Taking a Dump

Shoot, it's Asparagus!

The farmers' market was brimming with asparagus this week.


These were just gorgeous. Medium-thicked, purple-topped, abundantly fresh, and sold by the pound in pre-rubberbanded bunches, which is typically how asparagus is retailed.

The farmer just across the market aisle, however, gave their customers total consumer freedom by allowing them to pick and choose which and how many spears they desired.


Long suckers— over 18 inches they looked like.


Both farms were selling at $4/lb, which is pretty steep considering the weight of asparagus. But if you can afford it or are willing to splurge a little extra green for green [to be and to eat] then, by all means... invite me over for dinner. [grin].

Alternatively, there's this woman who sells asparagus in Chinatown [if you're in NYC] on Canal Street between Mulberry and Walker. Last time I checked [Saturday], she was selling bundles for $1.75 each, enough for 2-4 servings. Just make sure to buy only when they're good.

How do you know if they're good?.. Keep reading..

But first, a produce buyer's prelude: Unlike packaged products, as much as there may be the desire, nature's goods aren't homogenous. Weather, growing conditions, shipping, storage all have their effect and, by definition of fresh, produce lacks the additives and processing [for the most part]. Thus, it's important to use your senses when making purchases, namely sight, touch, and smell— in that order.

Now, the asparagus how-to:

The Buying Guide:
Eyes: Asparagus tips should be firm and intact. The stem should be shiny and smooth and the more green the better. Rotting asparagus will have loose, damp, falling apart tips; their stems will be wrinkly from water loss.
Hands: Ever so lightly tap the tips to confirm firmness. Check the asparagus bottoms too— they shouldn't have big holes or look super dry; if they do, then they lost a decent amount of water, are old, and likely to be tough and unpalatable.
Nose: Smell the tips— like fresh fish, you shouldn't smell much; like rotten fish, horrendous.

You might be reading this and suddenly realize, Hey wait, I don't even like asparagus.

If that is you, don't stop reading! I wouldn't either if all I've ever had was asparagus prepared in the traditional way. That is, the wrong way. Pretty much whenever asparagus is served to me, it's steamed or boiled, often beyond necessary too. And then it's used as just a vehicle for some dressing like butter or ranch.

Asparagus is full of flavor, it's just a matter of accessing it [not drowning it]. The process is called caramelization. Roasted asparagus is the way to go. Burn some of its natural sugars and, voila, you have melting deliciousness.

The Cooking Guide:
Heat the oven to 400degF.
Wash the asparagus. Cut the bottoms of the asparagus where the knife pretty easily cuts through— I don't snap mine off as I believe that wastes a lot of precious asparagus.
Spray a foil-lined roasting pan with canola oil.
Place the asparagus in the pan in a single layer.
Add about 1-2 tbsp water.
Spray with oil.
Pop in oven until your nose tells you to check on them. They will turn bright green at first, then brown. Careful not to burn the tips. In my negligence, I've done that before and it's not cool [or tasty] and the tips are the best part. Take caution especially with skinny asparagus. If the asparagus is fat, you might consider cutting the stem and slicing it laterally, in which case place the stems cut-side-down on the oiled pan.
When done, though tempting, try to wait at least few seconds for them to cool— you might burn your tongue otherwise.

Cook asparagus this way and you'll never go back.. to waterlogged, grey matter again.

..Alternatively, if you're having a barbie tomorrow, in the tradition of Memorial Day, and are tossing and turning over what vegetables to make, then try grilled asparagus, if you can get your hands on some. Spray/toss with oil, grill. Yup, it's that easy.


Happy Healthy Juicy Asparagus Noshing [& Memorial Day] Folks!

Hello Warm Weather and all the Juicy Sweetness you bring with!

What I love about the warm weather season, aside from longer days, minimal clothing, and outside frolicking, is the [nature's] candy it bears. I'm delighted to say that we are finally starting to enter the prime time of most fruit. Currently in abundance around town appears to be these golden nuggets: Haitian mangos!


There's all types of mangoes out there. These are particularly delish as their dark flesh tends to be a tad more flavor-intense as well as smoother [less fibery] than the red-green [Tommy Atkins et al] variety.

I get mine in NYC's Chinatown-- high turnover typically is better quality and cheaper. I paid about $1/mid-sized one.


So here's the mango how-to..

Pick mangoes with deep-colored skin-- because the skin is thin, to some extent, it reflects the flesh; the darker the flesh, the more intense the flavor, just like papayas. The skin should feel smooth and not be wrinkled. Ever so lightly [otherwise vendors get angry], give the mangoes a squeeze-- like avocados, you want it to give ever so slightly.


To prepare:
Wash/rinse the mango before cutting. Then stand it up, holding just the stem bit and cut the skin off the sides as such..


Then just run your knife horizontally to get the bottom bit off and do the same for the top..


Before moving onto the next step, let's review the..

Anatomy of a mango: Mangoes have a flat pit in their middle that usually runs parallel to the outer shape. The idea [my idea] is to get as much flesh off the pit as possible and in as big a piece as possible.

So, once the mango is skinned, try to guess where the pit is, and on its side try to cut as close to the surface of the pit as possible..


The pit is flat, so do it for both sides. You can see I hit the pit [the white part of the middle piece].


Then, after getting the two fat pieces of flesh, it's time to get as much of the rest of the flesh off the pit. Like meat closest to the bone, the remaining mango flesh will be ultra-tender-- the best part in my opinion..


I like to eat my mango in slivers, so that's how I cut it. And you can be all fancy and fan it but whatever suits your palatable fancy..


Enjoy!


And Happy Healthy Juicy Mango Eating!