What Happens When You Have One Sick Single Parent, One Healthy Kid?

What happens when your kid is sick but both parents work?

That's the question the author of this article, Two Working Parents, One Sick Kid, addresses. When faced with his kid sick for the first time, the author (the dad) realizes sexist cultural norms still exist today and that, by default, in situations like these, mom stays home vs. dad.

He writes:

I, on the other hand, felt the full weight of parenthood finally pressing down on me. The buck stops with me, I thought, but I am not the buckstopper... Now, it was on me, and he was sick, and he was sad. And I had work. Lots of it. Something had to give. It was exceedingly hard to say, "Hey, I need to take some time off to care for my sick son." ... And I realized I was holding onto some guilt, too. Like I had abandoned my work, which I care deeply about, for a sick kid.

It's comments and, frankly, complaints like these that make it difficult to empathize.

Abandon his dear work to care for a sick kid? A sick kid? Said sick kid isn't just any kid but happens to be his own. What do working people who love their work really think when they have kids? That they won't have to make sacrifices for the life they brought into the world?

Moreover, it's all relative. While the author acknowledges working-parent cultural norms are sexist and the privilege is in his favor, he fails to acknowledge the full extent of his privilege. That, while he might have to take a few days off, his family still benefits from a) a higher chance that at least one present parent is healthy enough to care for their child and, b) a dual income to support his family.

This is not some raging single-mom rant. But to put things into perspective, what happens when you have one sick parent, one absentee one, and one healthy kid?

“I left an abusive relationship and I have nowhere to go. I have Hepatitis C, so no one is willing to take me in. I...

Posted by Humans of New York on Thursday, August 13, 2015

The author of the above article is experiencing a completely normal situation in probably the best of circumstances. While everyone is entitled to complain, what is he really complaining about?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Written by piecesofm.

Don't Tell Me I'm Skinny

We all know we shouldn't call someone fat, and yet there's this strange phenomenon where people think it's ok to call someone skinny or say that a person doesn't eat. Out loud. In front of a person's face. Where does this privilege come from? Why is there a need to mention it, particularly in presence of said person him/herself? And, most importantly, why is this even bothersome at all?

We live in a society and culture where image is everything. Those who preach 'never judge a book by its cover' are hypocrites. It's human nature, I get it. To be human, though, is also having the ability to be civil and think before we speak as well.

There's this saying:



A person may be thin because s/he has cancer; diabetes; chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD); HIV; or a gastrointestinal, renal, cardiac, or neurologic disease. A person may be thin because s/he is depressed or has an eating disorder. Or, perhaps, a person may be thin because s/he just has a small frame, is more active, or just simply eats less. Less DOESN'T equal nothing, it means not as much or more, just less.

There is a shitload of reasons people may be thinner than you'd like them to be but whatever the case, you may know nothing about it, nor should you feel the sense of entitlement to act like you're in 6th grade and be rude about it to their face.

If a person is thinner than you would like them to be, ask yourself why it's bothering you. If you aren't happy with the way you look, don't criticize others. Instead, do something about it.



Because, you know...



And...



Yes, it's that easy. Maybe not as easy as making someone else feel bad but it's doable.

If you're on the other end of the stick figure (pun intended)...



And...





And finally... don't tell me I'm skinny because, hunny, you don't know what skinny is. #piecesofm

Thoughts? Leave them in the Comments below

How To Apologize, When To Forgive

I wanted to post this photo and give it a beautiful caption, like 'Blissful way to end the long weekend'. And it was, but that's only half the truth.

The real truth is that, yes, this was what the end of what our long weekend looked like— settled, calm, happy, loving, and together in a booth at a somewhat fancy, somewhat pricey (for us) restaurant— but it took a storm to get here.

My daughter is 2 years old, nearing three. Her 'terrible twos' days are numbered— I know, I've heard, three's are actually worse but I am in complete denial about it. I have to give her credit, though, because with me she's only had maybe one... ok, two, major public tantrums.

The first was in Trader Joes. She needed to go to the bathroom (bad) but we didn't have her toilet seat and she went hysterical, too afraid to use the 'big' toilet as is. She ended up peeing in her pants, which made the hysteria that much more amplified.

The second time was in the car at her school's parking lot. Maybe no one saw it (I'm hoping, but I'd again be in denial to really think that). She wanted to go back into the school to wash her hands, as I had asked when we were in there, but it was late and I wanted needed to hit the road because traffic was already bad and we have a long commute home.

This most recent time (yesterday) happened in the swimming pool. We were at the pool for a good 2 hours— I was going to limit the time to less than that because I was exhausted when we did that last time but that obviously didn't work. Nearing on hour 2, another family came to swim. We had seen and played with them last time, so knew they were good company. Shortly after, two other families came. It was like a party. I had just spent 2 hours carrying her back and forth in the pool, 'swimming', and my only child all of a sudden was at a pool party with kids all somewhat around her age.

But it was really time for us to go. We stayed another half hour and then I put my foot down, or tried to at least. All I can say is that she really wasn't ready to go. She let me know that, the other families, along with the whole neighborhood.

I always worry about times like these, where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Am I a bad parent? What will these people think of me? Will I be reported? Yes, it goes that far. The media has done its job well— stories have successfully been sensationalized enough times and I, as a parent, have been sufficiently provoked. Thankfully, though, I'm pretty trained in self-talk as well, and can rationalize with myself that, that's ridiculous and I'm having idiotic thoughts.

When we got home and things settled down, was the time I took to talk to her, recap what happened, and teach her how to apologize for her actions. Previously, my method was three-pronged but, in between this latest hysteria and calm, I've made it four-. This is NOT something you should necessarily do with your child(ren) but this is what I did and will keep doing until I refine my parenting to do something else, hopefully better (more effective)?

First, I let her know she needs to apologize. Kids quickly learn and know when they've done something wrong, and when they need to do (or not do) something. As parents, we need to help them formally recognize these things by telling them direct. Their recognition skills are still underdeveloped. It's just like taking a shower. They know they need to do it but, still, they continuously need to be told for quite some time before they learn to actually do it themselves.

So she says sorry. But is sorry enough? That's a rhetorical question. I asked her why she was sorry. This is really important because just saying sorry is a cop-out— just saying sorry doesn't require her to think or reflect on anything. Asking why makes her think and learn to recognize the actual actions/behavior that warrants an apology. Hopefully, doing this enough times will sink in and she will be able to recognize the consequences of her behavior before she actually does anything.

Typically, then, after she says sorry and 'what for', I ask her if she's going to do it again, and if what she did is being good or naughty (translated from a different language). I do this sort of to summarize and drive home the message without dragging things on.

This time, however, I realized it would be good to add just one more piece to the apology: I asked her what can she do different for next time. I realized this was important because (clearly) she didn't know how to respond to something against her desires. In my original set of questions (arguably, a 'lesson'), she can recognize what she's done but, from there, doesn't learn how she can handle similar situations going forward. She obviously doesn't always know what she can do instead, so sharing some better options with her isn't 'cheating' by giving her the answers, but it can actually help her grow her 'good behavior vocabulary', so to speak.

Finally, I forgave her. I always do, once we've reached the end of the apology. This is actually what I consider one of the most important, if not the most important, steps of this apology process. Being able to forgive someone is an invaluable lesson to learn and skill to do. We gave each other a kiss and a hug, and said I Love You. Then, we kept on dancing.

Parenting can be tiring— after 2.5 hours in the pool, I was already drained— and challenging. But it can also be one of the most rewarding and strengthening things you ever do. My kid teaches me so much and continues to make me into the best version of myself... how's that for a sappy ending after all? :> 100% truth.

Below is a recap of how we apologize and when we forgive.

• Say sorry...
• Why are you sorry...?
• Is that naughty or nice?
• Will you do that again?
• What will you do different next time?
• Forgive: Kiss. Hug. I Love You. Keep on dancing.

How do you teach your kid(s) to apologize and forgive? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Written by piecesofm.

How To Look For A Job

I just read this article on LinkedIn (Don't Meet the Hiring Requirements? This Could Help...) and thought: #garbage. It doesn't help. It didn't me, anyway.

Tip, Tip, Step? Here's a tip: If you're going to make a list, be consistent.

Source: from cited link above

I've never found job-hunting suggestions like these to work. I'm an introvert and no one is interested in really helping you find a job (not that I necessarily blame them).

Below are some of my tips if you're on the hunt for that 'second home' [aka. home away from home, aka. next job].

• Work full-time when you're unemployed: Set your alarm, get up, and work. Because applying to jobs is work— a lot of it. But the harder your work, the faster you will get out of the seemingly never-ending, dreaded task itself. Likewise, though, take breaks and weekends. It's one thing to work hard but it's another to overwork and lose productivity.


• Set goals: Shoot to apply to X number of jobs per day or send X number of emails. The more you apply and contact people, the more likely people will know you are looking and available. Don't get overwhelmed by the number you have to send. Applying to jobs takes practice and some have more practice than others. Start at your level and slowly increase your count/quota every other day, or something like that.


• Apply in different ways: Personally, I think the best way is to try to figure out who the hiring manager is for the position you want. Email that person direct. I've heard snail mail is effective to because it's so old school and unexpected— I wouldn't know though because I've never tried it. Even though I said no one's really interested in helping you find a job, blast that you're looking anyway to your social networks because, hey, you never know&mash; maybe the stars will align. Google 'creative resumes'— there you'll find infographics, videos, etc— that's another way to stand out. Try to approach it with 'outside-the-box'-thinking. That's a personal bias but the idea is to help make you stand out using your skills to demonstrate your worth.


• Mix it up: Apply in all sorts of places— direct to hiring manager and/or recruiter, someone interesting at the company, company website, job boards, even recruiters. Yes, recruiters. There are spammers out there, for sure, but some of them can actually hook you up with a job you might end up liking.


• Don't just apply: don't spend all your time applying to jobs. Use the time to build skills and/or portfolios. That doesn't mean you have to spend money. Use the internet to teach yourself things, spend your time doing 'voluntary' work&mash; doing/creating things that could build your portfolio and demonstrate your strengths.


• Follow inspirational quote boards: Because being jobless with no income, having to spend your full-time energy on the act of looking for a job, and getting rejected sucks and can sorely get you down. Quote boards can help because even reading one positive thing a day can lift up your spirits.


• Don't give up, be persistent, believe in yourself: You will find a job. And it will be great. Be confident. You have a lot to offer. Write down a list of your strengths. Remind yourself of those things when unemployment seems never-ending. Hold your head up when you walk into an interview. Believe in yourself because if you do, it'll be a lot easier for the hiring manager to do, too.

Good luck! xo

Happy Healthy Juicy Job Hunting!

How To Get Kids To Eat Their Vegetables

I just read this story on Reuters Flavor-Pairing May Teach Kids To Like Vegetables. And, meh.

Here are my unsolicited tips (take it or leave it):

• Cook vegetables in a way that taste good: So good that YOU like eating them yourself, too, and actually do. Forget the vegetables for a second. Kids are heavily (primarily?) influenced by their role models, which includes you (the parent). Don't overanalyze how to get to them to eat vegetables. The problem might be that you might not be eating them either.


• Really show them your eating vegetable: Ok, so say you really do like eating vegetables and eat a decent portion no less. Kids have short attention spans and get easily distracted. You are a role model, yes, but they're not necessarily watching your every single move. Eat it out— plain and clear. Just like you have to create sentences for them to say to teach them how to speak, the same could go for eating vegetables. If your kid is not eating theyr vegetables, tell them how much you love eating yours. Verbally tell them you're doing it as you are doing it. Chew. Open your mouth and show them how you do it. Swallow. Smile. Verbally tell them how 'yummy' it is.


• Eat together: Kids love doing things together. As you wrap up the above bullet point, verbally suggest, 'let's eat it together!'. As they pick up their vegetable(s), cheers your forks (or hands). Make it fun and something to celebrate. Because isn't it something to celebrate? :>


• Let it go and try again... later... and again and again: If all that doesn't work, let it go. Don't force your kid to do something s/he doesn't want to (if it isn't absolutely necessary). Kids are smart and they remember. A) It's not worth the struggle or energy. B) It might leave them with negative associations. C) As the article mentions, it does take several times of offering/tasting before kids will like a food. The number of times it takes varies and can be great [ie. up to 20 times?] but I definitely learned that one in grad school after getting it wrong on a quiz— it's stuck with me ever since. Thanks, Ellyn Satyr. But when the vegetable is available, always offer it to your kid, rather than say, 'O, s/he doesn't like it.' By doing that, you're only reinforcing that belief.


• Offer variety, offer daily: Do you love every single food that exists? Probably not. Your kids won't either. But the odds of your child not liking every vegetable is silly. Try to figure out different textures and cooking methods of a wide-variety of vegetables— they're bound to like something. Also offer vegetables daily. Be sure to make vegetables a given. Keep dinners, for example, consistent, like carb (rice, bread, pasta), protein (chicken, beef, pork, beans), and vegetable.


• Be mindful of kids' development, cook appropriately: Be sure to cook or serve vegetables that are somewhat easy (or just easy) for them to chew and swallow. Cook leafy greens soft and cut it up into kid-bite-sized pieces. Peel off the outer layer of broccoli stalks. Yes, by doing so you are losing some fiber and nutrients but this, I think, is more effective than dousing the vegetable(s) in cream cheese, for example, which has an even more canceling/negative effect. Serving vegetables by themselves, I believe, will get kids to like them for 'who' they are vs. masking them in over-poweringly flavored costumes/dress.




• Take it with a grain of salt: The cohort of the study— that is, the number of people participating in the study— amassed to 29 kids. Twenty-nine. That's not very many kids whatsoever. What other factors could have twisted the results? How did the kids feel about the vegetables by the time they reached adulthood? What culture/environment do these kids/families live in and are they applicable to everyone outside that bubble? These are the questions you should be asking yourself when deciding on the strength of the study and whether you want to apply the results to your own behavior.

I take pics of what I eat. For ideas on meals and portioning, check out my Instagram @mdesenna!

Have some tips of your own? Share them in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Kids Eating Vegetables!

Binge Eating Disorder Recognized As Mental Illness

Binge Eating Disorder finally made it into the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), a publication by the American Psychiatric Association that classifies mental disorders along with criteria. This debuted in May.

The New York Times' Well blog recently discussed the issues around the topic in its post, Fat and Thin Find Common Ground. Kelley Brownell of Duke University, a leading authority on eating disorders, points out 'Obesity was mainly dealt with in medical professions, and eating disorders were dealt with more in psychology professions.'

And this kind of makes sense because overweight and obesity are the new norm (about 2 out of 3 Americans are) and doctors (physicians) are focused on the physical health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, etc. Again, this makes sense because doctors are only required one semester course in nutrition in all of their medical school studies and, while these physical conditions are important, doctors end up losing sight of the ever-powerful mind that operates and plays a significant role in the patient as well.

Nutrition and wellness are not characterized solely on outer appearances. While physical unwellness can cause complications, mental illness makes life a real drag. The two go hand-in-hand.

The important thing to remember in understanding eating disorders, though, is that it's not about the food. It is NOT about the food. IT IS NOT ABOUT THE F*CKING FOOD! However many times it takes for this to be said, it shall be repeated.

That said, eating disorders don't have a size limit either.



Blogger Ellin inaccurately states 'Unlike people with anorexia or bulimia, who tend to be excessively thin... ' No. That's not true. Bulimics actually tend to fall within 'normal' range, sometimes even slightly above. That's why cases of bulimia are sometimes harder to identify— because their outer appearances tends to better mask the disorder than that of a pure, highly-restrictive anorexic. A story for another day but just so you know.

Given the degrade in quality of our food, the mass production, the technology and 'innovation'— in terms of both our food supply and access, and sedentary life— along with the emphasis on body image, human innate tendencies (such as eating the amount we're served despite portion-size), the disconnect of hunger vs. fullness, and a whole bunch of other factors, yes, it seems to make sense we would gain more weight.

But a few things are important to remember:

1. It is NOT impossible to maintain a healthy weight and have a healthy relationship with food (that is, no relationship with food— you eat it and move on), even despite this modern-day ecosystem. So overweight and obesity do NOT have to be inevitable. Goals are attainable. Realistic hope, there is.


2. There are overweight and obese people out there who are suffering. That's not to say they all are but some of them are. Every day, for those who are, is a struggle and torture. They hate food, they hate their body, they have hateful thoughts, and they likely hate themselves. Can you imagine what life might be like to live under those conditions Every.Single.Day? No holidays, no weekends, 24/7/365? That's a day in the life of an eating disorder.




3. Eating disorders don't discriminate size, age, race, socio-economic status, or gender. They can affect anybody. (And it's not about the food.) They are complex monsters attributed to several factors, no two people alike, though commonalities appear. Eating disorders are personal and as unique as the individual him/herself.

Now that this great leap in recognition has been made, hopefully this will help push in the fight against overweight, obesity, and mental illness. How treatment should be strategized will be an interesting topic to follow.



What are your thoughts?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear!

Happy Healthy Juicy Physical and Mental Wellness!

Why I'm Thankful - Reflecting On International Day Of The Girl

Last night, I spent a more-than-expected amount of time reading this UNICEF report about FGM/C, or Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting, a practice that is highly prevalent in Africa and perhaps occurring elsewhere.

Yesterday was the International Day Of The Girl, a United-Nations-declared day that seeks to 'recognize girls’ rights and the unique challenges girls face around the world'. Girls' rights to Education is this year's focus but FGM/C is another pressing issue that girls face too amongst a list of others. The numbers and data are staggering and so very sad. Over 125 MILLION girls and women are subjected to this cruelty.

I had vaguely remembered reading about this horrid practice in a women's magazine once but couldn't remember the details (or maybe I didn't want to). In brief, according to the WHO (World Health Organization), FGM/C is defined as 'all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons'.

The horrid procedure can be performed at varying degrees— cutting, removing, pricking, sealing, to name a few— but to whatever degree, it is heart-wrenching and traumatic to even hear about. Even more unfortunate is to hear about the hardships these girls and women have to endure for the rest of their life, if they even survive— forced marriages, rape, beatings, denial of basic human rights... the list goes on. And on.

It's scary to see some of the data that shows the opposition of the desire to end these inhumane practices. Even scarier, many of them are women. Did you know, daughters of women who were cut are more likely to get cut than those whose mothers have not been? As hard as it is to understand and even fathom, I guess this sort of makes sense. Brutality breeds brutality. Ignorance breeds ignorance.

To take away from this on a personal level is to reflect on my own life and situation. It reminds me how good I actually have it, some reasons why I'm lucky, and how thankful I am that I and my daughter have been born in a society where this is the not the norm.

My daughter is at the forefront of my thoughts. While some of these issues are not commonplace in my country, there is still hate. And no matter where we go, it will always be a threat. Give me the opportunity to answer the infamous Miss Universe pageant question— What do you wish for the world?— and it would be to eliminate all hate (and ignorance too)... followed by a Why can't we all just get along? :>

But, as I gripe about things like not getting my daughter's year-long portfolio of artwork from her previous school ('Some school/education, hmph!'), I quiet myself, turn course, and quickly let it go. Instead, I smile because she's sitting next to me, smiling back, happy, safe, and HealthyButJuicy.

Share your thoughts in the Comments below and SHARE/LIKE this post if you thought it was worth your while.

We appreciate your thoughts and support! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Girls!


This piece is authored by piecesofm, who blogs about parenthood, tech, food, fashion, and inspiration.

3 More Things Employees Want More Than A Raise

In response to Geoffrey James' 10 Things Employees Want More Than a Raise, here are a few more items to add to the list...

11. To be valued and respected.
    There's nothing worse than a company taking you for granted. If you're good at what you do, there are plenty of other companies out there in which you could do the exact same thing but be happier because they actually value you. On the lighter side, we mentioned some examples in Five Simple Habits That'll Make You A Better Co-Worker, having baseline respect, even if you don't get along, is nice. Please. Thank you. It's that damn easy.


12. To walk into the office kitchen without it feeling like a frat house.
    This is related to the previous point— respect. In this case, though, rather than it be about you as a contributor or team member, it's about sharing communal spaces with some decency. C'mon people, seriously? Is this really necessary? As much as places like Facebook might like you to live where you work, at least there is the distinction, however slight, between your own living space which you pay to use and the space you use to get paid, which you share with everyone in your office, aka. the company's (not your) office!


13. To be challenged.
    Again, this is related to point 11, which serves as the stepping stone. Take a look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
    
    There is a definite correlation between the original article and the theory. Capping it off, to reach maximum fulfillment, employees want to self-actualize. They want to reach their full potential and live the words of the army, Be All That You Can Be, without actually being at war.

What else do employees want aside from money?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Build The Company Culture You Envision, Don't Just Talk About It!

How To Deal With Negative People

Haters never win... unless you let them.

All of us encounter negative people sometimes (or often) in our lives and they are truly a bummer. Truly. Their actions, their words, their everything. It's important to remember, though, that you cannot control them nor should you bother to try. You can only control you— how you behave and react, who you hang out with, and how you filter messages and let them affect you. That doesn't mean you won't get hurt— because feelings are easily susceptible to harm— but how you DEAL with those feelings is what will define your HealthyButJuicy. Let them suck you dry and you will plummet to SickAndDepleted.

Whether you are a YouTuber, public figure, or neither, this video is motivational and empowering.



If you feel like people or things are getting to you, drop by and listen to the wise words of Miss Jessica Harlow. It helps. And remember: Believe in yourself. You are worth it. And you are not alone.

Have inspirational words or messages of your own?

Share them in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Inspire Empower Take Control

Lo-Mein, Pork Chop, Shanghai Bok Choy

This is a dinner-sized plate (~10-12"). Notice portions.

You have your lean protein from the pork chop, vegetables as as its own portion and mixed in with the noodles, brain-energy carbs from the al dente pasta, and (minimal-saturated) fat dispersed throughout.

Got questions?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to try to answer them! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Balanced, Proporationed Dinner!

Beauty Is In The Function

- Friend, CK


Some other thoughts on beauty...

How do YOU define beauty? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear!

Happy Healthy Juicy Beauty-full!

A Lot Of Words About Love

'More reasons pop media screws us up', responded a friend to the blog post, I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married.

Being partial to 'pop media', I was curious to see what the bashing was all about. The post was a love story of sorts, where the writer/husband ends up, to date, still in his marriage, presumably happily ever after?, despite his huge disappointment of the process. And though his marriage remains intact, he blames 'pop media' for deluding him and the masses, and warning that the thrill of the ride is not all that it's cracked up to be.

It was a lot of words about love (comments, included)...

He accuses Disney for infiltrating us with lies even in spite of beating the odds, having realized what it takes to maintain a marriage— something only half (or less) of those married ever figure out. He feels betrayed and laments, almost making us hope his wife hasn't read the post, considering the amount of effort it took for him to make their union work. Did he deserve better?

'How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to. Those people deserve better. We all deserve better.

From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married... It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. It’s time that we redefine it. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common. Loveless marriages. Divorce. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.'

There are probably a lot of reasons to hate on Disney but that would be another post on another blog. But what's wrong with painting a better picture for our kids that love and life can be beautiful and that happily ever after is a possibility? Because, as they grow up, they learn all-too-fast the ugly truths that happily ever after doesn't always happen. In fact, it doesn't happen for likely the majority. Even some of the most popular Disney princesses are prime examples, including Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, and Selena Gomez.

As for songs, our pop artists have no problem edu-taining us with the notion that love hurts and it 'ain't easy'.

The issue isn't pop media. It's that the writer is stuck in the nursery rhyme: 'First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage...' He's confusing love with marriage.

Love is an emotion, a feeling, a sentiment, whatever you want to call it. Marriage is not. The two are not one in the same. Marriage is an institution, a practice, a formality that people utilize to symbolize their union. Ideally that union is built upon and bound by love but that is not a necessity, nor is love or marriage— two distinct entities— an ever-lasting commitment. Nor do you have to marry if you love.

Redefining love seems futile. Perhaps educating our kids on how to build and maintain HealthyButJuicy relationships, instead, might be something more worth talking about. Likewise, so might conversations about media literacy and distinguishing between idealism vs. reality. Beyond relationships, this could also include how our kids can realistically build/reach their life goals and aspirations, sans fru-fru idealism that might hazardously be floating around their thought-space.

In the end, it's not about decreasing divorce rates, though that would be nice. It's about raising HealthyButJuicy individuals. After all, in this day and age, we all know Dating Is The Worst.

This is just one opinion but what do YOU think?

Share your thoughts in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Love and Build the Life You Do.

What We Can Learn From Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Stephen Merchant's Lip-Sync Battle

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Stephen Merchant induce tears in their lip-sync battle performances on a recent episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

The HealthyButJuicy lesson is this: Just.Let.Go.

Whatever it is you might be holding onto. These guys show us the freedom is admirable, the response is positive, and the act is uplifting, if not downright hilarious. And who couldn't use a little more laughter?





What crazy funny things have YOU seen lately?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear and share in the laughs! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Letting Go!

How To Get A Better Night's Sleep With Young Kids

Did you know insufficient sleep can make you fat, stupid, and dead? Fast Company briefly explains why and suggests that you 'train in the subtle arts of getting to bed the right way.'

These suggestions are helpful but fail to address a subset of the adult population and root cause of their lack of sleep— parents with young kids.

If you're a parent, sometimes it's them not you, for why you aren't catching enough zzz's. Good news is the same tenets are applicable to THEM in the same context as well. Here's how and what you can do.

• Exercise - Fortunately, the gym is not a requisite for this. For both kids and adults, 'intense activity necessitates intense rest'. While your kids might not be jogging the tread mill, once kids know how to walk, they're running in no time and fast, wherever there's space and opportunity. Keep your kids active and bring them to places where they can run around, jump, and climb to burn off some energy for a better night's rest. Parks are an affordable suggestion but if it's winter, too cold, or raining, take them, perhaps, to a nearby mall with a play area. It's just as affordable as the park (ahem, free) and they can have the opportunity to socially interact with other kids as well.


• Bedtime - If you need 7 hours of sleep, subtract 7 from the time you need to be up and make sure you're in bed by then, the article suggests for adults. For kids, however, set their bedtime around the same time every night. Obviously, their sleep time won't be exact every night (just like us, they're not robots :>) but their bodies will get used to the routine and hour when you're consistent.


• Allow time - It's funny, you're not doing anything when you're sleeping, yet it takes a decent amount of effort to get there— using the bathroom, brushing teeth, changing into pajamas, to name a few— that you might actually avoid going to bed because of the process. With kids, the hassle is sometimes (often times) even greater because they're even more outrightly reluctant to do those very things. Add 10 minutes to all that, too, for bedtime stories. Like yourself, give your kids a sufficient amount of time to do the things they need to do before bed. Add extra time, if you can, for reluctancy. This is when that time-subtracting exercise might come in handy. That is, (Time to start getting ready for bed) = (Time you want them in bed) - [(Time it takes you to do all the things they need to do) + (5-minutes for reluctant fuss time)].


• Unplug - For adults, the internet and tv might keep us wired and awake, so they suggest getting unplugged for bedtime. For your kids, avoid the same that will get them wired, including consuming sugary items and jumping on the bed. Turning off the lights, speaking softer, and creating a peaceful, nighttime environment can also help.


• Ritual and routine - We are creatures of habit— both us and our kids— and the more often we do the same thing, the easier it is for us to do it and even without thinking. Create a routine for your kids by doing the same thing day in and day out for them to know what to expect. Hopefully, that way, their reluctance is minimized because they are empowered by knowing exactly what to do. Also, give them time to dance. Some or most of us, don't just plop into bed and fall asleep right away. We fix our pillows, adjust the blanket, and find a comfortable position to fall asleep. Kids are no different. You might put them in bed but give them a little time to say good night to their stuffed friends (if they sleep with them), ask the questions their curious minds need answered, and settle in before shutting eye.


• Dinner! - This wasn't included on Fast Company's list of suggestions but is really important for both kids and adults. Never go to bed hungry. While you may be able to fall asleep, your body, young or old, will wake you up if it's too hungry. Believe it or not, your body still needs energy even when it's sleeping like a log. Achieve this by eating a good dinner. Take time to actually sit down and eat together. Encourage healthy eating habits and nutrition, including engaging in conversation.

There's more to add to this list but this a good start. What helps YOUR little ones sleep better?

Share your tips in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Better Night's Rest, Parents and Kids Included!

30 Ways To Know You're A Parent Of A Toddler

1. You impersonate the sound of every animal you encounter. If you’re a mom, you’re a bitch more than half the time.
2. You can accurately describe poop in all shapes, forms, and colors. And when you haven’t seen it in a while, you’re on what’s called ‘poop watch’.
3. Screaming doesn't sound as loud as it once used to (even if it has gotten louder).
4. You realize how difficult it is to sit down, though it’s really all you want to do.
5. Your memory has never fully recovered since the bump.
6. It’s an exceptional time in your life, where you can smell someone’s butt in public without reserve or being arrested.
7. 6pm is dangerous and is not a time to be sleeping.
8. You have to insist on vacuuming even when someone else desperately wants to do it.
9. You know every alternative to Pepperidge Farm’s Goldfish (not to mention every version of their own line).
10. You don’t have a lot of (or any) time to read books that don’t reference animals or personify inanimate objects.
11. Even when you’re by yourself, you look at a flying plane in the sky with wonder and excitement.
12. You skip your workout when planning to go out to a restaurant because that, in and of itself, is your workout.
13. Forget working out, who has time for that?
14. But actually, your biceps have never been so toned in your life.
15. You identify practically everything as ‘Not a toy’.
16. You insist someone else go to the bathroom when you do.
17. Though you appreciate their curiosity, you still get upset when they touch things in public bathrooms.
18. In fact, if Yelp had a category for public bathrooms, you could be an Elite reviewer.
19. You found another purpose for hoodies. It not only keeps heads warm and hair dry, but it also dubs as a leash in potentially quick runaways.
20. You didn’t realize standing in line at Starbucks was that interesting.
21. Forget lipstick, spare socks are your must-have purse item.
22. You can find the humor in snot.
23. You have rekindled your love for Legos.
24. You’ve never lost (or misplaced) so many items in your life.
25. You blame teething for any and all middle-of-the-night wakings.
26. You know that Cheerios can, in fact, be eaten with a fork.
27. You avoid fountains and escalators if you’re in a rush.
28. You’re always in a rush.
29. Car seats don’t scare you though your phobia for reinstalling them still gives you nightmares.
30. You are relieved at the end of the day when the house is quiet but are too tired to actually enjoy it. Instead, you go to bed early.

What did we miss?

Share below in the Comments, we'd love to laugh out loud!

And Share This Post on your social networks, it'd mean the world! :>

This post is authored by piecesofm and is dedicated to her life love, who'll be turning Terrible tomorrow! :>



Happy Healthy Juicy Parenting!

Raising Awareness And The Throes Of Hunger

As part of Hunger Action Month, the CEO of Panera, Ron Shaich, has been taking the SNAP Challenge this week. In case you didn't know, SNAP stands for Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, formerly known as Food Stamps, and is a US federal-aid program that helps low-income individuals and families purchase food.

The SNAP Challenge is a voluntary exercise with the goal to increase awareness and understanding amongst those not affected by hunger, and to help get a better sense of what it is like to struggle with hunger by living on only $4.50 per day.

Below are some poignant sound bites of each of Mr. Shaich's daily posts to date.

Day 0:
We live in the “land of plenty,” and yet nearly 48 million people receive food stamps and 16 million children go to bed hungry.

Day 1:
I haven’t even felt the first pangs of hunger, and I’m already gaining a whole new perspective into challenges that so many people in this country face in dealing with food insecurity – from the embarrassment of having to leave items at the register to the diligence and ongoing calculation required to constantly prioritize and rank every purchase and potential purchase, big and small.

Day 2:
When I finally ate lunch at around 2:30 p.m., it really felt like a reward, and I didn’t take for granted the satisfaction that the meal provided... I was hyper aware whenever those around me consumed.

Day 3:
The face of hunger is as diverse as this country is.

Day 4:
This week, through my participation in the SNAP Challenge, I have had a glimpse into how detrimental and all-consuming hunger can be – and I’m barely halfway through my merely seven day challenge. I can’t stop thinking about food.

Day 5:
“It’s not just about food to fill a belly, it’s about life.”

Mr. Shaich's writing is insightful and raw, and hits sorely close to home.

I remember when I was in grad school— actually discussing the very issue of food insecurity, the SNAP program and Challege— one student couldn't understand (out loud) why those suffering from food insecurity couldn't just go out and get a job so they could pay for and get the food they needed. I interjected, asking, How can these people get jobs if they don't even know how to pack a grocery bag? [We had just finished talking about food banks]. I'm not sure he really understood concepts, yet, such as the basics of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but don't blame him either as it is extremely difficult to understand issues at the core when you haven't experienced them yourself first-hand.

I've never gone hungry because I couldn't afford it. But I can tell you the symptoms, experiences, and consequences of hunger, as Mr. Shaich describes, due to the struggles of income are the exact same as those due to mental illness and, more specifically, anorexia.

To re-iterate, in both instances, you really can't stop thinking about food when you're hungry nor can you really be productive (if at all); it really isn't about the food; and it really is about life— trying to figure out how to build one worth living given the very dire, arguably extremist, circumstances. Every day is a battle.

For me, it was a 10-year battle that crept into my life silently and one that is now silenced because of hard-working efforts and achieving a life of recovery. Yay! Well, not so yay. Because I still live with the consequences of the silent disease, unemployed and in silence about it.

Despite two degrees from an Ivy League university, functional brain, good health, and eagerness, how do you explain to potential employers what the hell you've been doing the past 10 years of your life while everyone else you graduated with are now managers and directors? You've been TO hell and back but that isn't exactly the experience employers want to hear about.

The effects of hunger are profound. This always brings up the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, which is a HealthyButJuicy recommended read, if you don't know about it already. It's nearly impossible to be productive when you are starved— physically, mentally, and emotionally— and when the elemental need of food and nutrition, and focus on survival become your world and all-consuming.

This post isn't just about food insecurity and eating disorders, though. It's about raising awareness, increasing compassion, and bettering ourselves and each other. Before we can solve or address issues, whether they be our own or others', we need to begin to fundamentally understand them first. And, by asking ourselves things like 'In what kind of society do we want to live?' and What kind of life do I?, perhaps, one day, we can reach our goals.

You matter. You can make a difference. And you can be the change.

Share your thoughts in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :> xoxo

Happy Healthy Juicy Inspire!

The Future Of Higher Education? Disrupt!

During this week's TechCrunch Disrupt in SF, Gavin Newsom, Lieutenant Governor of California, sat down with Sebastian Thrun, CEO of Udacity, an educational tech start-up to discuss The Future of Higher Education.

You can read this article about it and see what people are saying in the comments.

I debated whether I should share my thoughts here or on my other blog, piecesofm, but decided to feature it here as I think this topic is 100% HealthyButJuicy, as it relates to education. Being unemployed with two degrees from an Ivy League institution, healthy, and juicy, this really hits home...

Contributing to the conversation, here are my thoughts:

In my experience, college is too heavily focused on its business-- increasing enrollment and tuition rates-- and not enough on equipping students with the skills they need post-graduation. Rationalizing that college graduates are 'exposed to many different forms of thinking', as Schwartz touts, may be a nice idea but they end up being pretty useless as well. Literally. How many times do you see History majors in completely unrelated professions? And what good is it for them to have the knowledge they don't use (and likely forget) IN ADDITION to the burden of never-ending student loans?

Flat out, schools are not prepping their students enough to pay off those loans with jobs in which they can actually apply the knowledge they learned and paid for. Practical makes complete sense and this disruption in education is exactly what we need. It's not to say all students should or will be redirected and/or geared to the tech industry but, at least for those who know that's what they want, they will be much better prepared and connected.

Share this post and your thoughts in the Comments below, we'd love it if you do! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Education and Tech!

Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry - A HealthyButJuicy Original #15minuterecipe!

If you thought 30-minute meals was fast, try 15 seconds!

HealthyButJuicy kicks off its 15-second video recipes with Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry. Follow @mdesenna on Instagram for instant video-licious gratification and check back here for the detailed recipes. Dishes will be 100% HealthyButJuicy and scrumptious!



So one of the key skills you should develop when cooking HealthyButJuicy is to be able to modify recipes to your likes, tastes, budget, and what you simply have on hand. We called this dish Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry but if you don't eat or like pork, you can simply swap it out for ground beef, chicken, or turkey, firm tofu, or even meat substitute crumbles.

As for the vegetables, we used edamame and carrots (a couple of my daughter's favorites), red bell pepper, and scallions (aka. green onions). We would have added corn, which would have been a nice additional color (and another of my daughter's favorite) but we didn't have any. No biggie.

My daughter ended up not really liking the red peppers— we don't typically eat it often— but I thought it was a great addition both in terms of color, flavor, and texture. It added a bit of sweet- and juiciness and complimented the salmon that we ate with this dish well.

Re: kids and food dislikes. I am all for offering new foods to my daughter (almost 2!). Variety is the spice of life, isn't it? :> And it's important to offer variety to your kids when they're young because as we grow older we tend to be less willing to try new things or foods we think we don't like. As Ellen Satyr (a child nutrition expert) has said, sometimes it takes as many as 15-20 times for kid try a new food before s/he likes it (I remember that because I got that question wrong on a quiz in grad school :>).

Also, offering foods your kids may not necessarily like can actually help teach them some proper table manners. Instead of throwing food on the floor or across the room, my daughter now either gives the food to me to put on my plate, puts the food she doesn't want on her own plate (farthest away from her), or puts it back on the main serving dish. (Perhaps the latter isn't very proper but it's a step up from across the room. :>)

Pork Vegetable Stir-Fry Recipe

Ingredients
3 medium Carrots, diced
1-2 cups Low-Sodium Chicken Broth/Stock (enough to cover the carrots in a small pot)
4 oz. Ground Pork
2 Scallions, finely-sliced
1 Red Bell Pepper, diced
1 cup frozen, thawed Edamame
1-2 tbsp. Oyster Sauce
Oil, as needed

1. In a small pot, cook the carrots in the broth. Carrots take longer than the other vegetables to cook. Cook them to your desired consistency. We cook them until semi-firm to-the-bite, or how my daughter likes it. Skipping this step is also an option if you don't mind your carrots crunchy.
2. In a large wok or deep pan, heat up some oil (about 1-2 tbsp). Add the pork, spreading it across the pan. We're looking for a good sear to bring out the flavor.
3. Add the scallions and toss to release some of its flavors.
4. Scoop out of pan onto serving dish.
5. Add a little more oil to the pan and let it heat up a little.
6. Add the peppers and toss to coat. Cover the pan slightly to soften.
7. Toss in the other vegetables and stir-fry until everything is warmed up.
8. Add the pork and scallion mix.
9. Add a little bit of oyster sauce and re-toss.
10. Transfer the everything back to the serving dish. Voila!

Tweet or Instagram us a pic of this recipe if you try it! Tag your posts with #healthybutjuicy #15secondrecipe

We'd love to see your versions and how it turned out!

Happy Healthy Juicy Make-It-Your-Own Stir-Fry!

Five Simple Habits That’ll Make You A Better Co-Worker: A Working Mom’s Perspective

What you do as a parent can often seem completely irrelevant to what you do in your professional career. On the other the hand, though, the people you work with are, in some (or many) ways, very much like the children you are trying to raise and be role models for. That being said, here are five simple habits, practices, or things you can say to help yourself be a better co-worker.

Please. One of the first things we want our children to say is… well, it’s Mama and Dada, but after that we work hard to teach them Please. That’s because somehow, though not surprisingly, they pick up I Want and Give Me way faster and, once they do, they start saying it seemingly more often than not. As parents, we have to continually interject if we want to raise them to become polite beings of society. What’s the magic word? And really, it is pretty magical, isn’t it? Please connotes respect and that you don’t take things for granted. Can you put away your shoes, please? Can you please help set the table? I don’t always expect my daughter to do the things I ask, just like I don’t expect my co-workers to, but at least I give her the respect she deserves in my requests.


Thank you. Equally powerful as Please, is Thank You. Thank you is the best way to conclude an interaction. That and maybe a hug. In two short words/syllables, which you can even pair down to one in a Thanks, you relay to the other person that you appreciate them, value them, and don’t take them and what they do for granted. Thank you for helping to put away your toys. Thank you for sitting in your chair like everyone else. Thank you for this one-of-a-kind scribble drawing. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for holding hands. Thank you for being you. And in the office… Thank you for helping me with this project. Thank you for explaining that concept to me (Bill). Thank you for your time. Thank you for making more coffee when there was none. Thank you for your contribution as a member of this team... I can go on and on. There’s a lot to be thankful for.


Do you need help? Kids need lots of help. They wouldn’t be able to get through childhood without mom, dad, or some caretaker, or would have a very difficult time. The people you work with, members of your team or company, are no different. As the great Aristotle once said: The sum of the whole is greater than the parts. I try to not to be an overbearing parent and let my daughter try to do things as self-sufficiently as she can but will often ask her after trying and struggling a little, Do you need help? Do you need help walking up these steps? Do you need help taking off your jacket? Do you need help opening the door? Maybe with children it’s more apparent but we all need help sometimes and it never hurts to extend yourself beyond what is necessary and just offer. For sure, it makes the ride that much better, smoother, more enjoyable, and efficient.


Did you have a good day? I ask my daughter this on a daily basis. I want to know that she did and, if she didn’t, why and what can I do to make it better so that she does. Surely, every day will not be rainbows and sunshine—teething, biting, bullying, and germs all are implications of cloudy forecasts—but nonetheless, caring to even just ask is a step to showing someone you care about them and want them to be happy. Employee satisfaction is one of the most important key factors in the success of a company. It results in low-turnover, increased productivity, and ultimately higher returns. Perhaps this is not something we need to ask our employees or selves on a daily basis but should on a somewhat regular one.


Good job! Momma is very proud of you :> Ok, the latter part of this saying might not be applicable but the former can do wonders. My daughter knows where to put her shoes when we walk in the house—we have a no-shoe policy—but doesn’t always put them away. When she doesn’t put them away, I remind and show her where they need to go. When she does put them away, though, I commend her for her efforts and ability to be responsible. Good job, Babe, that is very good. That is what big girls do. Every time I say that, for whatever she does—saying good night to those around her, washing her hands after she goes to the bathroom, singing the ABC song, counting to 10, giving her friend a hug, sharing—I am positively reinforcing her actions and behavior. Translated in the workplace, it might sound something like: Good idea/input/feedback—your contribution has help us do this better! Good job on landing that account! Or, good work on that project, I couldn’t have met that deadline without you. We all need validation, encouragement, and recognition for the good things we do. It’s what helps us keep going.

It doesn't take much to say a few positive words to those you work with but the effect it has can do wonders for your relationships, quality of work, and, ultimately, happiness both in and out of the office.

What else can people do to be a better co-worker? Share in the Comments below or Tweet/Instagram us, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Co-Working!

We Can't Stop... Talking About Miley Cyrus

Days after her performance, the world is still buzzing about Miley Cyrus and her performance at the VMAs.

This picture pretty much sums it up, in case you live in the outer-vortex of pop culture.
Source: Getty Images

It was all tongue and very raunchy. Man, her tongue.

But, really, could we have expected any less? Her latest hit, We Can't Stop, has over 162 million hits on YouTube alone (not to mention #4 on iTunes' Top Music Downloads, just under folks like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga) and, there, already, we got a glimpse of the ever-evolving, ever-straying-away-from-Disney sexual princess, tongue and twerk and crotch and all.

I just finished reading Miley Cyrus Inc.'s Branding Tips (via LinkedIn, no less!) and, despite the author's disapproval, personally, I think the girl got it right. Miley continues to engage audiences, larger and larger, and gives people something to talk about. As an entertainer, it's basically her job to do that and one she's obviously doing well. Marketers and branders can all learn from it since, apparently, We Can't Stop watching or talking about her.

That said, though, from a different, non-business perspective, where should the line be drawn? While her marketing/branding/engagement skills are top notch, as a public figure to such an influential demographic, is she violating her responsibility as a role model, which, unavoidably, she is and cannot escape. We get angry when images of murderers are shared and, arguably, idolized in the mass media, like when the Boston Marathon bomber was beautifully portrayed on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Equally, are we doing the same with Miley?

As a parent to a little girl [thankfully(?) not old enough to understand any of this], what would I say and how would I react if she were to have seen Miley's performance as, say, a t(w)eenager? Surely, I don't condone porn stars, which Miley is unfortunately erring on the side of; on the other hand, I don't know if the world really realizes how young Miley still is— she's not even 21 yet. Despite all the money and fame, she's still a kid and will make mistakes and go through stupid phases. As much as a role model I think/know she is, as a parent, my reaction would be continuous and way pre-determined. Way.

We all know entertainers and mass media are out there and can influence our kids, even ourselves. It's our jobs as parents not necessarily to abhor and shun it, because likewise, they can also be very positive forces in our lives and they're just sometimes simply unavoidable. In the very least, Miley wasn't hurting anyone, with the exception of maybe herself? (TBD) and some eyeballs and stomachs (which could have easily told their hands to change the channel). Take it/her for what it's worth (possibly nothing). Teach your kids values and media literacy and move on.

Here's a clip of her lyrics:

It's our song we can sing if we want to
It's my mouth I can say what I want to...

And we can't stop
And we won't stop
We run things, things don't run we
Don't take nothing from nobody
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ehh

And this is what I take— (See the positive in everything).
' Source


What (positive) things can you take away from Miley's performance or after-effects thereof? Share your Comments below or Tweet/Instagram us your thoughts, we'd love to hear! xoxo

Happy Healthy Juicy Positivity!