How To Apologize, When To Forgive

I wanted to post this photo and give it a beautiful caption, like 'Blissful way to end the long weekend'. And it was, but that's only half the truth.

The real truth is that, yes, this was what the end of what our long weekend looked like— settled, calm, happy, loving, and together in a booth at a somewhat fancy, somewhat pricey (for us) restaurant— but it took a storm to get here.

My daughter is 2 years old, nearing three. Her 'terrible twos' days are numbered— I know, I've heard, three's are actually worse but I am in complete denial about it. I have to give her credit, though, because with me she's only had maybe one... ok, two, major public tantrums.

The first was in Trader Joes. She needed to go to the bathroom (bad) but we didn't have her toilet seat and she went hysterical, too afraid to use the 'big' toilet as is. She ended up peeing in her pants, which made the hysteria that much more amplified.

The second time was in the car at her school's parking lot. Maybe no one saw it (I'm hoping, but I'd again be in denial to really think that). She wanted to go back into the school to wash her hands, as I had asked when we were in there, but it was late and I wanted needed to hit the road because traffic was already bad and we have a long commute home.

This most recent time (yesterday) happened in the swimming pool. We were at the pool for a good 2 hours— I was going to limit the time to less than that because I was exhausted when we did that last time but that obviously didn't work. Nearing on hour 2, another family came to swim. We had seen and played with them last time, so knew they were good company. Shortly after, two other families came. It was like a party. I had just spent 2 hours carrying her back and forth in the pool, 'swimming', and my only child all of a sudden was at a pool party with kids all somewhat around her age.

But it was really time for us to go. We stayed another half hour and then I put my foot down, or tried to at least. All I can say is that she really wasn't ready to go. She let me know that, the other families, along with the whole neighborhood.

I always worry about times like these, where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Am I a bad parent? What will these people think of me? Will I be reported? Yes, it goes that far. The media has done its job well— stories have successfully been sensationalized enough times and I, as a parent, have been sufficiently provoked. Thankfully, though, I'm pretty trained in self-talk as well, and can rationalize with myself that, that's ridiculous and I'm having idiotic thoughts.

When we got home and things settled down, was the time I took to talk to her, recap what happened, and teach her how to apologize for her actions. Previously, my method was three-pronged but, in between this latest hysteria and calm, I've made it four-. This is NOT something you should necessarily do with your child(ren) but this is what I did and will keep doing until I refine my parenting to do something else, hopefully better (more effective)?

First, I let her know she needs to apologize. Kids quickly learn and know when they've done something wrong, and when they need to do (or not do) something. As parents, we need to help them formally recognize these things by telling them direct. Their recognition skills are still underdeveloped. It's just like taking a shower. They know they need to do it but, still, they continuously need to be told for quite some time before they learn to actually do it themselves.

So she says sorry. But is sorry enough? That's a rhetorical question. I asked her why she was sorry. This is really important because just saying sorry is a cop-out— just saying sorry doesn't require her to think or reflect on anything. Asking why makes her think and learn to recognize the actual actions/behavior that warrants an apology. Hopefully, doing this enough times will sink in and she will be able to recognize the consequences of her behavior before she actually does anything.

Typically, then, after she says sorry and 'what for', I ask her if she's going to do it again, and if what she did is being good or naughty (translated from a different language). I do this sort of to summarize and drive home the message without dragging things on.

This time, however, I realized it would be good to add just one more piece to the apology: I asked her what can she do different for next time. I realized this was important because (clearly) she didn't know how to respond to something against her desires. In my original set of questions (arguably, a 'lesson'), she can recognize what she's done but, from there, doesn't learn how she can handle similar situations going forward. She obviously doesn't always know what she can do instead, so sharing some better options with her isn't 'cheating' by giving her the answers, but it can actually help her grow her 'good behavior vocabulary', so to speak.

Finally, I forgave her. I always do, once we've reached the end of the apology. This is actually what I consider one of the most important, if not the most important, steps of this apology process. Being able to forgive someone is an invaluable lesson to learn and skill to do. We gave each other a kiss and a hug, and said I Love You. Then, we kept on dancing.

Parenting can be tiring— after 2.5 hours in the pool, I was already drained— and challenging. But it can also be one of the most rewarding and strengthening things you ever do. My kid teaches me so much and continues to make me into the best version of myself... how's that for a sappy ending after all? :> 100% truth.

Below is a recap of how we apologize and when we forgive.

• Say sorry...
• Why are you sorry...?
• Is that naughty or nice?
• Will you do that again?
• What will you do different next time?
• Forgive: Kiss. Hug. I Love You. Keep on dancing.

How do you teach your kid(s) to apologize and forgive? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Written by piecesofm.

The Final Outcome Of Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong confesses. Finally. What a relief! To everybody. Believers, non-believers, those sued, the integrity of the Tour de France, the 'second place' runner-ups, himself!, his family, and, most importantly, his five children!

Credit: ABCNews


While there is obvious reason to be upset at Lance— he lied, he cheated, he attacked, he stole— there are also lessons to gain and perhaps things to be thankful for, including these...

Public Figures Are Human Too. Putting too much faith in public figures can be dangerous if you uphold them to a higher level, seemingly beyond human, which many fall prey to. Perhaps, yes, they can be classified in a different category than the 'average human', given income level and media attention, but nonetheless, however much fame and fortune, they are still human, have their flaws, and will make mistakes just like the rest of us. The scale in which they do might just be exacerbated by the aforementioned 'un-averageness'.

If It's Too Good To Be True, It Is. We all love a fairy tale story, a story of heroism and greatness, and want so much to believe in them, perhaps, because they give us hope and inspiration. If the story does that— motivates and makes us a better version of who we are— then the story has done its job and take it for just that.

Media Literacy! It needs to be an ongoing requirement in our educational system. And so does psychology and understanding mental illness for that matter. Perhaps, then, maybe so many wouldn't be so shocked and outraged. For children, it's different and they are excused as they are still heavily in the process of basic learning and don't know any better. But by the time we reach adulthood, we should be decently able to distinguish between fantastical and reality. Winning the Tour de France seven times? Sounds pretty fantastical. Reference to previous point.

As for psychology and mental illness? The extremist nature of this whole story seems like it could only have been crafted by a man (or inkling of?, whichever) who has a serious mental disorder, including extreme narcissism and hero syndrome. Does everyone get that or does everyone just choose to be angry. Granted, it's 'easy' to blame fault on the intangible, so-called illness of the mind, but the mind is a very powerful and still highly enigmatic portion of our anatomy.

Focus On The Good And The Future. Thankfully, no one was hurt, at least not physically in this whole mess. Cancer patients and their families, amongst others, at least, however, found comfort, hope, and strength in Lance's story, whether or not it was true, in the times they really needed it. Livestrong has helped thousands, if not millions, in the fight against cancer. Just see what they've done.

None of us are perfect. That doesn't excuse what Lance did but do you believe in forgiveness? Comment below and share your thoughts, we'd love to hear what you have to say!

Happy LiveHealthy LiveJuicy LiveIntegrity!

Life Lessons From Tate Stevens

Tate Stevens just won the X-Factor and I, along with many others, am very proud of him. X-Factor told a great story this season and taught a great lesson: It's Never Too Late.

Recovery is a fight, a struggle, a journey. There are ups and downs, and it wastes a lot of time. Pulling yourself out of the deep throes of whatever you're in is rewarding and liberating but I cannot deny the aftertaste isn't always minty fresh than if you never had to bother to begin with.

I left work today feeling pretty upset. It's an ongoing torment— a decade-worth of life, laughs, 'self-empire building'— including esteem, confidence, and career— all down the drain. But Tate reminds us, or me anyway...

It never hurts to try Hard work pays off Love hard Good things happen to good people Dreams do come true It's never too late

Are you living your dreams? If not, what's stopping you?

Comment below, we'd love to hear!