Why Women Can't Have It All... Or Can They?

I just stumbled upon Glamour.com's recently-published article: Why The Woman Who 'Has It All' Doesn't Really Exist'.

'Why Women Can't Have It All, According To Barnard College President Debora L. Spar', though, is the title that actually appeared on my Facebook newsfeed and one that drew me in.

Barnard, in case you didn't know, is Columbia's all-women sister school— I went to Columbia, only reason I know. I was curious to see what this Barnard president had to say, expecting something empowering and inspirational. Something on the lines of: 'Feeling down about yourself? [Yes]. Don't feel bad because it's an ideal/unrealizable goal anyway. [...Ok, but that's not what Facebook is telling me...].

The article's headlining photo is a woman dressed as Wonder Woman running in New York City's midtown with a hoard of other women running after her trying to keep up.

As you can see, the woman is 'svelte', 'scantily-clad', hair so thick 'like Beyonce', beautiful enough to be in Glamour's publication, and, actually, real. How appropriate. Does she, the model, have it all..? Clearly, I'm missing the point but the image is loud, hard-to-miss, and relevant. No?

Spar touches on major life areas— self-image, marriage, motherhood, and career— pointing out despite womens' increasing freedom, we are pin-holing ourselves into a greater misery than when we were suppressed. She writes, 'Feminism was meant to remove a fixed set of expectations; instead, we now interpret it as a route to personal perfection. Because we can do anything, we feel as if we have to do everything. In other words, women today face towering expectations: a pileup of the roles society's long heaped on us, plus the opportunities feminism created.'

On this note, Spar has a point. While feminism has opened a lot of doors, at the same time, it has also increased the pressure to achieve more. But is that a bad thing? And is striving for more the same as trying to be perfect? It's one thing to beat yourself up over things you can't necessarily control like finding your soulmate or even landing your dream job— yeah, that's not HealthyButJuicy— but it's another thing to blast others for trying to reach their goals and criticizing 'Why Women Should Stop Trying to Be Perfect'.

Because what about the writer/speaker herself? Spar is the president of 'arguably the most important all-women’s college in the United States', or at least that's what is touted on her book's description on Amazon.com. She is a mother of three, is married to a husband whom she 'adores', and engages in the daily 'burden' of keeping up appearances by spending about 282 hours per year on beauty (unlike the noted, average 30hrs/year compared to men).

It's funny. She shares...
On beauty: 'Any magazine rack confirms our obsession with one scantily clad celebrity after another... As a requirement for success, beauty becomes just another burden.' Huh? Why is this woman publishing her thoughts in Glamour of all places?— a woman's 'guide to the latest fashion trends, outfit ideas, hair + makeup how-tos, and celebrity scoop', and where the focus is all about beauty and 'burden'.

On marriage: 'Marry someone you love and like; finding a person who doesn't care if you're perfect is a good start.' You hear that ladies?! Stop wasting your time on douche-bags you don't even like. Duh. It's easy as finding a box of fiber cereal for breakfast, a great way to start the day. Try the supermarket?

On motherhood: 'Now we've set the standard that if you can become a biological mom—by spending exorbitantly and undergoing endless medical procedures—then you should. Is that liberating? To me, it feels like another way women have to be perfect or, in this case, perfectly fertile.' Ouch. Let's seriously hope her infertile 'friend' doesn't see that comment...

On work: 'Professional women are frequently asked, "How do you do it?" I hate the query, because doing it all, as is expected of women today, is not doable.' But seriously, how did she do it?

Her conclusion: 'The most crucial thing for women to know today? No one does it all. We each, if we're lucky, will have our chance to leave a mark on the world, but we are trying too hard to be perfect. So don't emulate Wonder Woman; think about what's wonderful to you instead. Then boldly, audaciously, joyfully, leave the rest behind.'

In other words, 'You'd be lucky if you have any impact in this world. Stop trying to be like me. And just settle.'

HealthyButJuicy thinks otherwise.

On beauty: To reiterate MissGlamorazzi's philosophy, 'Makeup is a supplement, not a requirement.' Other than maintaining acceptable hygiene (ie. showering), if you adhere to a beauty routine that feels burdensome, stop it. Use the time to work on your inner beauty.

On love: Source


On motherhood: However you became a mother— through sex, adoption, or one of the 'at least 15 additional ways.. none of which involve sex'— makes you no less of a woman nor crazy.


On being a homemaker: Spar referred to the toils of having to make this dish— Harvest Vegetable Pancakes With Greens and Goat Cheese via Martha Stewart's Everyday Day Food magazine. This is yet another case and point about the author and reason to question how relevant what she is saying is to the average consumer/woman/reader. Who makes vegetable pancakes with beets, carrots, potatoes, and chickpeas? From scratch? Seriously. Who? At the risk of sounding controversial, people who are health-conscious might. People who have the time might. People who are highly educated are the most likely. Time and time again, studies show folks with higher education tend to be healthier. It's an unfortunate disparity but one that still has not yet been bridged. Moreover, it doesn't help when leaders in our educational field don't help, or even make the gap wider with garbage to sell.

On work: There will always be someone out there who is better than you. Likewise, though, there will always be someone out there who lacks your talent. But who even cares? It's not about them, it's about you.

The HealthyButJuicy conclusion: Like everything you hear about health, take what Spar is saying with a grain of salt and always ask questions. Is she a reliable source of information? What will you do differently (if anything) and, ultimately, will your actions make you a better, happier version of you?

All in all, women can't always get what they want. That much is true. Neither can men. But does that necessarily and automatically restrict your ability to be happy, to have drive, to be HealthyButJuicy, or to have it 'all'?

I'm single and unemployed. I lost 10 years of my life to illness, and friends and career-building time along with it. I have this beautiful sunshine I call daughter and the most amazing mother that is an angelic warrior who loves me. I smile. And I laugh. It's not a perfect life nor am I expecting it to be but I kinda feel like I do sorta have it all... Is that crazy?

What're your thoughts? On Spar's opinions, article on women, perfectionism, and having it 'all'? Share below in the Comments and/or Tweet us your thoughts. We'd love to hear!

Happy Healthy Juicy Women! HealthyButJuicy believes in you! xoxo :>

Matthew Morrison Rips Up the Cover of Details

What does it take for Mr. Charming on Glee to look like a hunk[a.. salacious meat]?

Well, PER Week, it looks something like this:

• ~100 miles cycling
  
• ~25 miles running
  
• Mini ab workouts during downtime on set
  
• 4 sessions of resistance training
  
• Strict dieting, banning even fruit after dark [which he deems 'too much sugar']

PLUS these bonuses:

• Paddleboarding on days off
  
• Going on a sweet-potato-only diet for a few days right before a photoshoot [..why the editors publish (and probably many think) that it's a 'high-protein tuber', I do not know..]

What is nice to know, however, is that it does take a ridiculous amount of effort to look that ridiculously Mmm... But, maybe not going so extremist, it's also nice to know what you have to do to get [somewhere around] there: Eat Right. Be Active. Plain & Simple.

Happy Healthy Juicy Lesson Learned! Thank you, Mr. Schuester. [angelic voices] Ahhhh....

Is Snooki Fighting Too Hard for Fame?

I don't know what The Situation is or what everyone thinks is so Woww, as I have yet to witness respectable-enough media coverage of the Jersey Shore cast for me to actually check out their MTV reality hit.

Case and point: Snooki on the cover of OK! mag, plastered with the words: 'My Battle with Anorexia'.

I commend the editors over there for doing their job, as the cover lured me into picking up a copy to check out the story with such a powerful title. That's not to say, though, I condone them for turning a serious issue into what seems to be fodder.

So what does the beehived tanning queen have to share about her experiences?

'In high school, my weight was a very big deal, but when I went to college, it wasn't as big of a deal to me, and I got over it pretty quick, which is pretty surprising to me...

You know, how in college you're eating all kinds of crappy food? That's when I started eating bagels again. I was like, '"Eh, screw it, I'll just eat." I wasn't, like, downing cheeseburgers. I just started eating like a regular person again. And I started to gain the weight back. I really didn't have any problems in college because I was too busy worrying about my studies.'

Worrying about her studies, I'm sure..


We throw around the term 'depressed' when we're bummed out about something. But depression, in the actual clinical sense, is more than being just bummed out— it's long[er] term, affects daily life, and is seriously debilitating. The same goes for anorexia. Usage of the word is sometimes [or often] thrown around as if it's nothing and without understanding of what it actually means or is.

According to the DSM-IV— the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health professionals in the US— anorexia nervosa is classified using the following criteria:

1. Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected; or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected).
   
   
2. Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight.
   
   
3. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight.
   
   
4. In postmenarcheal females, amenorrhea, i.e., the absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles.

Snooki claims to have gotten down to 80 pounds in high school, which does sound low, but, note, today, she's only 4' 9''. Moreover, eating disorders, whether it be anorexia, bulimia, or EDNOS [eating disorder not otherwise specified], typically [typically] is NOT something you just get over by saying 'screw it' and then eating bagels. If it were only that simple..

If reality is what you're after, chew on this:

• Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
  
  
• The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.
  
  
• 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.
  
  
• Five to ten percent of anorexics die within ten years of onset, 18-20 percent die within twenty years of onset, and only 50 percent report ever being cured.

Stats taken from The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness

Ergo, the point isn't did she/didn't she [have an eating disorder] or was she/wasn't she [anorexic], though it is two-fold:

1. Whether she was sick or not, if she's going to take the responsibility of addressing the issue—which she did by agreeing to give a highly publicized exclusive interview and don the cover of a popular magazine— then she better own up to it and do it with extra care— it comes with the territory of fame, where one is no longer responsible just for oneself.
   
2. Ditto for the magazine/publisher. Though what they're publishing is 'trash', still, it's national, and social responsibility is in order. It's not like they're talking about a trivial thing such as her hair. For some, this really is a reality and really is a matter of life or death [..to be as dramatic as the bold yellow cap-sized font..]

Happy Healthy Juicy Being Responsible, and Knowing What's Appropriate & What's Snot!