What Happens When You Have One Sick Single Parent, One Healthy Kid?

What happens when your kid is sick but both parents work?

That's the question the author of this article, Two Working Parents, One Sick Kid, addresses. When faced with his kid sick for the first time, the author (the dad) realizes sexist cultural norms still exist today and that, by default, in situations like these, mom stays home vs. dad.

He writes:

I, on the other hand, felt the full weight of parenthood finally pressing down on me. The buck stops with me, I thought, but I am not the buckstopper... Now, it was on me, and he was sick, and he was sad. And I had work. Lots of it. Something had to give. It was exceedingly hard to say, "Hey, I need to take some time off to care for my sick son." ... And I realized I was holding onto some guilt, too. Like I had abandoned my work, which I care deeply about, for a sick kid.

It's comments and, frankly, complaints like these that make it difficult to empathize.

Abandon his dear work to care for a sick kid? A sick kid? Said sick kid isn't just any kid but happens to be his own. What do working people who love their work really think when they have kids? That they won't have to make sacrifices for the life they brought into the world?

Moreover, it's all relative. While the author acknowledges working-parent cultural norms are sexist and the privilege is in his favor, he fails to acknowledge the full extent of his privilege. That, while he might have to take a few days off, his family still benefits from a) a higher chance that at least one present parent is healthy enough to care for their child and, b) a dual income to support his family.

This is not some raging single-mom rant. But to put things into perspective, what happens when you have one sick parent, one absentee one, and one healthy kid?

“I left an abusive relationship and I have nowhere to go. I have Hepatitis C, so no one is willing to take me in. I...

Posted by Humans of New York on Thursday, August 13, 2015

The author of the above article is experiencing a completely normal situation in probably the best of circumstances. While everyone is entitled to complain, what is he really complaining about?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Written by piecesofm.

Don't Tell Me I'm Skinny

We all know we shouldn't call someone fat, and yet there's this strange phenomenon where people think it's ok to call someone skinny or say that a person doesn't eat. Out loud. In front of a person's face. Where does this privilege come from? Why is there a need to mention it, particularly in presence of said person him/herself? And, most importantly, why is this even bothersome at all?

We live in a society and culture where image is everything. Those who preach 'never judge a book by its cover' are hypocrites. It's human nature, I get it. To be human, though, is also having the ability to be civil and think before we speak as well.

There's this saying:



A person may be thin because s/he has cancer; diabetes; chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD); HIV; or a gastrointestinal, renal, cardiac, or neurologic disease. A person may be thin because s/he is depressed or has an eating disorder. Or, perhaps, a person may be thin because s/he just has a small frame, is more active, or just simply eats less. Less DOESN'T equal nothing, it means not as much or more, just less.

There is a shitload of reasons people may be thinner than you'd like them to be but whatever the case, you may know nothing about it, nor should you feel the sense of entitlement to act like you're in 6th grade and be rude about it to their face.

If a person is thinner than you would like them to be, ask yourself why it's bothering you. If you aren't happy with the way you look, don't criticize others. Instead, do something about it.



Because, you know...



And...



Yes, it's that easy. Maybe not as easy as making someone else feel bad but it's doable.

If you're on the other end of the stick figure (pun intended)...



And...





And finally... don't tell me I'm skinny because, hunny, you don't know what skinny is. #piecesofm

Thoughts? Leave them in the Comments below

How To Apologize, When To Forgive

I wanted to post this photo and give it a beautiful caption, like 'Blissful way to end the long weekend'. And it was, but that's only half the truth.

The real truth is that, yes, this was what the end of what our long weekend looked like— settled, calm, happy, loving, and together in a booth at a somewhat fancy, somewhat pricey (for us) restaurant— but it took a storm to get here.

My daughter is 2 years old, nearing three. Her 'terrible twos' days are numbered— I know, I've heard, three's are actually worse but I am in complete denial about it. I have to give her credit, though, because with me she's only had maybe one... ok, two, major public tantrums.

The first was in Trader Joes. She needed to go to the bathroom (bad) but we didn't have her toilet seat and she went hysterical, too afraid to use the 'big' toilet as is. She ended up peeing in her pants, which made the hysteria that much more amplified.

The second time was in the car at her school's parking lot. Maybe no one saw it (I'm hoping, but I'd again be in denial to really think that). She wanted to go back into the school to wash her hands, as I had asked when we were in there, but it was late and I wanted needed to hit the road because traffic was already bad and we have a long commute home.

This most recent time (yesterday) happened in the swimming pool. We were at the pool for a good 2 hours— I was going to limit the time to less than that because I was exhausted when we did that last time but that obviously didn't work. Nearing on hour 2, another family came to swim. We had seen and played with them last time, so knew they were good company. Shortly after, two other families came. It was like a party. I had just spent 2 hours carrying her back and forth in the pool, 'swimming', and my only child all of a sudden was at a pool party with kids all somewhat around her age.

But it was really time for us to go. We stayed another half hour and then I put my foot down, or tried to at least. All I can say is that she really wasn't ready to go. She let me know that, the other families, along with the whole neighborhood.

I always worry about times like these, where I am filled with insecurity and self-doubt. Am I a bad parent? What will these people think of me? Will I be reported? Yes, it goes that far. The media has done its job well— stories have successfully been sensationalized enough times and I, as a parent, have been sufficiently provoked. Thankfully, though, I'm pretty trained in self-talk as well, and can rationalize with myself that, that's ridiculous and I'm having idiotic thoughts.

When we got home and things settled down, was the time I took to talk to her, recap what happened, and teach her how to apologize for her actions. Previously, my method was three-pronged but, in between this latest hysteria and calm, I've made it four-. This is NOT something you should necessarily do with your child(ren) but this is what I did and will keep doing until I refine my parenting to do something else, hopefully better (more effective)?

First, I let her know she needs to apologize. Kids quickly learn and know when they've done something wrong, and when they need to do (or not do) something. As parents, we need to help them formally recognize these things by telling them direct. Their recognition skills are still underdeveloped. It's just like taking a shower. They know they need to do it but, still, they continuously need to be told for quite some time before they learn to actually do it themselves.

So she says sorry. But is sorry enough? That's a rhetorical question. I asked her why she was sorry. This is really important because just saying sorry is a cop-out— just saying sorry doesn't require her to think or reflect on anything. Asking why makes her think and learn to recognize the actual actions/behavior that warrants an apology. Hopefully, doing this enough times will sink in and she will be able to recognize the consequences of her behavior before she actually does anything.

Typically, then, after she says sorry and 'what for', I ask her if she's going to do it again, and if what she did is being good or naughty (translated from a different language). I do this sort of to summarize and drive home the message without dragging things on.

This time, however, I realized it would be good to add just one more piece to the apology: I asked her what can she do different for next time. I realized this was important because (clearly) she didn't know how to respond to something against her desires. In my original set of questions (arguably, a 'lesson'), she can recognize what she's done but, from there, doesn't learn how she can handle similar situations going forward. She obviously doesn't always know what she can do instead, so sharing some better options with her isn't 'cheating' by giving her the answers, but it can actually help her grow her 'good behavior vocabulary', so to speak.

Finally, I forgave her. I always do, once we've reached the end of the apology. This is actually what I consider one of the most important, if not the most important, steps of this apology process. Being able to forgive someone is an invaluable lesson to learn and skill to do. We gave each other a kiss and a hug, and said I Love You. Then, we kept on dancing.

Parenting can be tiring— after 2.5 hours in the pool, I was already drained— and challenging. But it can also be one of the most rewarding and strengthening things you ever do. My kid teaches me so much and continues to make me into the best version of myself... how's that for a sappy ending after all? :> 100% truth.

Below is a recap of how we apologize and when we forgive.

• Say sorry...
• Why are you sorry...?
• Is that naughty or nice?
• Will you do that again?
• What will you do different next time?
• Forgive: Kiss. Hug. I Love You. Keep on dancing.

How do you teach your kid(s) to apologize and forgive? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Written by piecesofm.

How To Look For A Job

I just read this article on LinkedIn (Don't Meet the Hiring Requirements? This Could Help...) and thought: #garbage. It doesn't help. It didn't me, anyway.

Tip, Tip, Step? Here's a tip: If you're going to make a list, be consistent.

Source: from cited link above

I've never found job-hunting suggestions like these to work. I'm an introvert and no one is interested in really helping you find a job (not that I necessarily blame them).

Below are some of my tips if you're on the hunt for that 'second home' [aka. home away from home, aka. next job].

• Work full-time when you're unemployed: Set your alarm, get up, and work. Because applying to jobs is work— a lot of it. But the harder your work, the faster you will get out of the seemingly never-ending, dreaded task itself. Likewise, though, take breaks and weekends. It's one thing to work hard but it's another to overwork and lose productivity.


• Set goals: Shoot to apply to X number of jobs per day or send X number of emails. The more you apply and contact people, the more likely people will know you are looking and available. Don't get overwhelmed by the number you have to send. Applying to jobs takes practice and some have more practice than others. Start at your level and slowly increase your count/quota every other day, or something like that.


• Apply in different ways: Personally, I think the best way is to try to figure out who the hiring manager is for the position you want. Email that person direct. I've heard snail mail is effective to because it's so old school and unexpected— I wouldn't know though because I've never tried it. Even though I said no one's really interested in helping you find a job, blast that you're looking anyway to your social networks because, hey, you never know&mash; maybe the stars will align. Google 'creative resumes'— there you'll find infographics, videos, etc— that's another way to stand out. Try to approach it with 'outside-the-box'-thinking. That's a personal bias but the idea is to help make you stand out using your skills to demonstrate your worth.


• Mix it up: Apply in all sorts of places— direct to hiring manager and/or recruiter, someone interesting at the company, company website, job boards, even recruiters. Yes, recruiters. There are spammers out there, for sure, but some of them can actually hook you up with a job you might end up liking.


• Don't just apply: don't spend all your time applying to jobs. Use the time to build skills and/or portfolios. That doesn't mean you have to spend money. Use the internet to teach yourself things, spend your time doing 'voluntary' work&mash; doing/creating things that could build your portfolio and demonstrate your strengths.


• Follow inspirational quote boards: Because being jobless with no income, having to spend your full-time energy on the act of looking for a job, and getting rejected sucks and can sorely get you down. Quote boards can help because even reading one positive thing a day can lift up your spirits.


• Don't give up, be persistent, believe in yourself: You will find a job. And it will be great. Be confident. You have a lot to offer. Write down a list of your strengths. Remind yourself of those things when unemployment seems never-ending. Hold your head up when you walk into an interview. Believe in yourself because if you do, it'll be a lot easier for the hiring manager to do, too.

Good luck! xo

Happy Healthy Juicy Job Hunting!

How To Get Kids To Eat Their Vegetables

I just read this story on Reuters Flavor-Pairing May Teach Kids To Like Vegetables. And, meh.

Here are my unsolicited tips (take it or leave it):

• Cook vegetables in a way that taste good: So good that YOU like eating them yourself, too, and actually do. Forget the vegetables for a second. Kids are heavily (primarily?) influenced by their role models, which includes you (the parent). Don't overanalyze how to get to them to eat vegetables. The problem might be that you might not be eating them either.


• Really show them your eating vegetable: Ok, so say you really do like eating vegetables and eat a decent portion no less. Kids have short attention spans and get easily distracted. You are a role model, yes, but they're not necessarily watching your every single move. Eat it out— plain and clear. Just like you have to create sentences for them to say to teach them how to speak, the same could go for eating vegetables. If your kid is not eating theyr vegetables, tell them how much you love eating yours. Verbally tell them you're doing it as you are doing it. Chew. Open your mouth and show them how you do it. Swallow. Smile. Verbally tell them how 'yummy' it is.


• Eat together: Kids love doing things together. As you wrap up the above bullet point, verbally suggest, 'let's eat it together!'. As they pick up their vegetable(s), cheers your forks (or hands). Make it fun and something to celebrate. Because isn't it something to celebrate? :>


• Let it go and try again... later... and again and again: If all that doesn't work, let it go. Don't force your kid to do something s/he doesn't want to (if it isn't absolutely necessary). Kids are smart and they remember. A) It's not worth the struggle or energy. B) It might leave them with negative associations. C) As the article mentions, it does take several times of offering/tasting before kids will like a food. The number of times it takes varies and can be great [ie. up to 20 times?] but I definitely learned that one in grad school after getting it wrong on a quiz— it's stuck with me ever since. Thanks, Ellyn Satyr. But when the vegetable is available, always offer it to your kid, rather than say, 'O, s/he doesn't like it.' By doing that, you're only reinforcing that belief.


• Offer variety, offer daily: Do you love every single food that exists? Probably not. Your kids won't either. But the odds of your child not liking every vegetable is silly. Try to figure out different textures and cooking methods of a wide-variety of vegetables— they're bound to like something. Also offer vegetables daily. Be sure to make vegetables a given. Keep dinners, for example, consistent, like carb (rice, bread, pasta), protein (chicken, beef, pork, beans), and vegetable.


• Be mindful of kids' development, cook appropriately: Be sure to cook or serve vegetables that are somewhat easy (or just easy) for them to chew and swallow. Cook leafy greens soft and cut it up into kid-bite-sized pieces. Peel off the outer layer of broccoli stalks. Yes, by doing so you are losing some fiber and nutrients but this, I think, is more effective than dousing the vegetable(s) in cream cheese, for example, which has an even more canceling/negative effect. Serving vegetables by themselves, I believe, will get kids to like them for 'who' they are vs. masking them in over-poweringly flavored costumes/dress.




• Take it with a grain of salt: The cohort of the study— that is, the number of people participating in the study— amassed to 29 kids. Twenty-nine. That's not very many kids whatsoever. What other factors could have twisted the results? How did the kids feel about the vegetables by the time they reached adulthood? What culture/environment do these kids/families live in and are they applicable to everyone outside that bubble? These are the questions you should be asking yourself when deciding on the strength of the study and whether you want to apply the results to your own behavior.

I take pics of what I eat. For ideas on meals and portioning, check out my Instagram @mdesenna!

Have some tips of your own? Share them in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Kids Eating Vegetables!

Binge Eating Disorder Recognized As Mental Illness

Binge Eating Disorder finally made it into the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), a publication by the American Psychiatric Association that classifies mental disorders along with criteria. This debuted in May.

The New York Times' Well blog recently discussed the issues around the topic in its post, Fat and Thin Find Common Ground. Kelley Brownell of Duke University, a leading authority on eating disorders, points out 'Obesity was mainly dealt with in medical professions, and eating disorders were dealt with more in psychology professions.'

And this kind of makes sense because overweight and obesity are the new norm (about 2 out of 3 Americans are) and doctors (physicians) are focused on the physical health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, etc. Again, this makes sense because doctors are only required one semester course in nutrition in all of their medical school studies and, while these physical conditions are important, doctors end up losing sight of the ever-powerful mind that operates and plays a significant role in the patient as well.

Nutrition and wellness are not characterized solely on outer appearances. While physical unwellness can cause complications, mental illness makes life a real drag. The two go hand-in-hand.

The important thing to remember in understanding eating disorders, though, is that it's not about the food. It is NOT about the food. IT IS NOT ABOUT THE F*CKING FOOD! However many times it takes for this to be said, it shall be repeated.

That said, eating disorders don't have a size limit either.



Blogger Ellin inaccurately states 'Unlike people with anorexia or bulimia, who tend to be excessively thin... ' No. That's not true. Bulimics actually tend to fall within 'normal' range, sometimes even slightly above. That's why cases of bulimia are sometimes harder to identify— because their outer appearances tends to better mask the disorder than that of a pure, highly-restrictive anorexic. A story for another day but just so you know.

Given the degrade in quality of our food, the mass production, the technology and 'innovation'— in terms of both our food supply and access, and sedentary life— along with the emphasis on body image, human innate tendencies (such as eating the amount we're served despite portion-size), the disconnect of hunger vs. fullness, and a whole bunch of other factors, yes, it seems to make sense we would gain more weight.

But a few things are important to remember:

1. It is NOT impossible to maintain a healthy weight and have a healthy relationship with food (that is, no relationship with food— you eat it and move on), even despite this modern-day ecosystem. So overweight and obesity do NOT have to be inevitable. Goals are attainable. Realistic hope, there is.


2. There are overweight and obese people out there who are suffering. That's not to say they all are but some of them are. Every day, for those who are, is a struggle and torture. They hate food, they hate their body, they have hateful thoughts, and they likely hate themselves. Can you imagine what life might be like to live under those conditions Every.Single.Day? No holidays, no weekends, 24/7/365? That's a day in the life of an eating disorder.




3. Eating disorders don't discriminate size, age, race, socio-economic status, or gender. They can affect anybody. (And it's not about the food.) They are complex monsters attributed to several factors, no two people alike, though commonalities appear. Eating disorders are personal and as unique as the individual him/herself.

Now that this great leap in recognition has been made, hopefully this will help push in the fight against overweight, obesity, and mental illness. How treatment should be strategized will be an interesting topic to follow.



What are your thoughts?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear!

Happy Healthy Juicy Physical and Mental Wellness!

Why I'm Thankful - Reflecting On International Day Of The Girl

Last night, I spent a more-than-expected amount of time reading this UNICEF report about FGM/C, or Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting, a practice that is highly prevalent in Africa and perhaps occurring elsewhere.

Yesterday was the International Day Of The Girl, a United-Nations-declared day that seeks to 'recognize girls’ rights and the unique challenges girls face around the world'. Girls' rights to Education is this year's focus but FGM/C is another pressing issue that girls face too amongst a list of others. The numbers and data are staggering and so very sad. Over 125 MILLION girls and women are subjected to this cruelty.

I had vaguely remembered reading about this horrid practice in a women's magazine once but couldn't remember the details (or maybe I didn't want to). In brief, according to the WHO (World Health Organization), FGM/C is defined as 'all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons'.

The horrid procedure can be performed at varying degrees— cutting, removing, pricking, sealing, to name a few— but to whatever degree, it is heart-wrenching and traumatic to even hear about. Even more unfortunate is to hear about the hardships these girls and women have to endure for the rest of their life, if they even survive— forced marriages, rape, beatings, denial of basic human rights... the list goes on. And on.

It's scary to see some of the data that shows the opposition of the desire to end these inhumane practices. Even scarier, many of them are women. Did you know, daughters of women who were cut are more likely to get cut than those whose mothers have not been? As hard as it is to understand and even fathom, I guess this sort of makes sense. Brutality breeds brutality. Ignorance breeds ignorance.

To take away from this on a personal level is to reflect on my own life and situation. It reminds me how good I actually have it, some reasons why I'm lucky, and how thankful I am that I and my daughter have been born in a society where this is the not the norm.

My daughter is at the forefront of my thoughts. While some of these issues are not commonplace in my country, there is still hate. And no matter where we go, it will always be a threat. Give me the opportunity to answer the infamous Miss Universe pageant question— What do you wish for the world?— and it would be to eliminate all hate (and ignorance too)... followed by a Why can't we all just get along? :>

But, as I gripe about things like not getting my daughter's year-long portfolio of artwork from her previous school ('Some school/education, hmph!'), I quiet myself, turn course, and quickly let it go. Instead, I smile because she's sitting next to me, smiling back, happy, safe, and HealthyButJuicy.

Share your thoughts in the Comments below and SHARE/LIKE this post if you thought it was worth your while.

We appreciate your thoughts and support! :>

Happy Healthy Juicy Girls!


This piece is authored by piecesofm, who blogs about parenthood, tech, food, fashion, and inspiration.